December 24 is the last day of Advent. So here we are at the end of the first reflective/penitential season of the Liturgical Year. Like many others, I began Advent saying, "This year I'm going to (insert awesome spiritual practices here which by the end of Advent would fly me to a spiritual height of which even St. Teresa of Avila would be jealous). I'm NOT going to waste Advent this year!" So how'd I do? And by what standards can you measure "success" in such an endeavor?
"Well, Lord, I did better than last year!" sounds a little too close to, "Well I didn't sin as badly as I did last year!" Um...great?!?!?!
I cannot compare myself today to myself one year ago. I cannot compare myself to my neighbor. There is one standard by which we are judged: Be holy as your Father who is in Heaven. Yes well, in that case I suppose I will always know the answer to these million dollar questions. It doesn't matter if I "succeeded" in completing the St. Andrew novena, or kept up with the readings in Divine Intimacy, or got to daily Mass every day in Advent, or completed the Jesse Tree project. Had I actually accomplished this, I would likely be full of a spiritual pride that should be avoided at all costs, the kind that says, "I did it!"
No, indeed. "I" didn't do anything, not by myself. If I succeeded in doing anything of spiritual merit this Advent, it was only by cooperating with the grace of God. Even then, did I cooperate well, or am I a fair-weather cooperator, cooperating with grace when it is easy, or has an easily discernable positive result?
And so I come to the end of Advent reminding myself that yes, there were some positives about this Advent, but it had less to do with "me" than it did with God's help, because when the rubber hit the road, as it always does, I hit the skids. I suppose that I can take consolation in the fact that I did not give up completely on trying. You could say I crashed, but I didn't burn.* For once I suppose I will come out of Advent saying that it wasn't a completely wasted one, although any time we do not cooperate with God's grace and seek to grow in holiness, we are wasting both grace and time. That said, I remain somewhat hopeful for Lent. Somewhat.
Perhaps then, if my goals are focused more on the daily spiritual battle I am to expect, and less on which Mansion I will find myself in at the end of the season if I do A, B, C, and D, then I might cease to be such a Wannabe!
May you all be blessed by the Newborn King, upon whom depends the salvation, sanctification, and eternal happiness of the whole human race. May our gift to this King be our cooperation with the grace He gifts to us so that we may fulfill our call to holiness.
*Now however will I get these thoughts out of my head?!-- St. Peter at the gates doing the life review, taking out his pen, clicking it with a sigh, looking at me sternly and saying, "Well C, you certainly crashed...but you're not going to burn. Now if only you'd restricted your speech to duty and charity, you'd have made it in through the express elevator. (insert random The Price is Right losing tune here)"?
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