I was reading my six year old a book this week when a familiar analogy was made. It is said that when we go to Heaven, that we are all perfectly happy. No two people, however, will have the same degree of happiness. So Therese asks how this can be that everyone is equally happy in Heaven when some people are clearly holier or better than others. Her sister tells her to get two cups, a small one and a large one. They fill both of the cups, and then the analogy is made that each of the cups was full to the brim, as we will be with love, happiness, God, in Heaven. The difference is our capacity to hold more or less of God, and it only makes sense that the more we love God and give of ourselves to Him, the more He can fill us with Himself. I forget who it was this week--I think the guest on The Journey Home--who said it isn't how much of the Holy Spirit you have which determines your experience of living out your faith, but how much of YOU the Holy Spirit has. I love that. So it's really been hammered home this week that our spiritual fulfillment and happiness are completely dependent upon what we give of ourselves. I know a dear soul who has left the Faith, and still has fond memories of it, but speaks mainly of his "experiences," as if the worth of one's Faith can only be summed up by the experiences said faith can offer him. I attempted to explain that we shortchange ourselves when we just look for "an experience" out of the practice of our faith. What God really is offering us isn't just an experience, but a person, Himself. This is the radicalness of the Gospel, as explained by Pope Benedict in his first _Jesus of Nazareth_ book. He wants a living relationship with each one of us. Do you have any relationships in your life? A parent, a sibling, a child, a friend? Then you know very well that in order for that relationship to thrive, you must give of yourself without counting the cost. Why would it be any less with Almighty God? And think of how much greater the return on our efforts would be in our relationship with God as opposed to our relationships with mankind. I wish all the best and happiness to those with whom I am blessed to share a relationship, but I don't necessarily have what it takes to give them what I would wish them to have. But God does.
So we know that we are here to know God, love God, and serve Him in this life so as to be happy with Him in the next. But as Father John Riccardo states, our "goal" is not "to not go to hell." Our goal is to seek holiness, a complete transformation of our being, to become more like the one in whose image and likeness we are made. If one actually becomes "holy" in this life, it is solely because he or she has given himself/herself to God so completely as to be able to receive such a gift. I imagine that takes a pretty amazing emptying of self.
All of this to come around to my dilemma. I want the big cup. I suspect I might be about, oh, the indent of a pin-prick...but I want the big cup. What do I need to do? I need to love God more, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. How do you love somebody you do not know?Do I know God? Well. I'm working on that, and yes I have certainly had some profound "experiences" of God in prayer, but sometimes I feel I do not know Him. Then I get scared, because usually when you do not know somebody, there's a chance they also do not know you, and that frightful passage from Matthew 7:21-23 comes to me:
"Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name? Then I will declare to them solemnly, 'I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.' (How can anyone cling to "Once saved always saved" after reading this passage?)
"I never knew you." Yes, dear reader, those are the words which terrify my heart. Frequently. Yes, I know the passage which follows this, and building the house on the rock, and the analogies to the Church, built upon the Rock, Cephas, Peter... But He says, that everyone who hears his words and acts on them is like the wise man whose house doesn't collapse. I feel I so frequently hear Him, know His will for me just simply through the circumstances of my daily life, but I run. I just refuse so many times to pick up my cross. I look at my dearest friends, every single one of them with unbelievable crosses, and they are carrying them, and I'm running scared from a mere splinter of mine. My friends are walking in His sandals, they are *knowing Him* and I...am watching. (I can just hear Jesus saying, "Are you *asking* me for a tremendous cross?" LOL! NO!)
So I crave holiness, but I run scared from the simple crosses of everyday life. I procrastinate. I feel overwhelmed and let it get the better of me. I want the big cup, but I can only get the big cup if I love the Lord enough. I cannot love somebody I do not know. I do not know Him nearly as much as I should, and the many little chances I get to do this each day I do not take advantage of. Throw in that I know I need to spend time reading the scriptures if I wish to have even an elementary knowledge of who God is. Who am I kidding? Eight kids, 15 and under? I need *time* to do that properly. I'm craving time to sit and read my Bible. I now have a portable one, with a portable Catechism and I toss them in my little bag with my Pauline prayerbook so I can keep the meat and potatoes of my faith together and available for if I ever get a break and a chance to read.
I guess where I'm going is that if 15 years of living my vocation as a mother hasn't helped me arrive at a knowledge of God that I'm somewhat comfortable with, then clearly I need more...something. I'm thinking it's spiritual reading and meditation time. If only I could meditate (and read most times) without falling asleep. When I do read I'm "in one ear and out the other" so to speak. Years of splitting my attention in so many directions has virtually annihilated my ability to be focused inwardly. I just "read...yep...check...next!" and move on. I feel as if I'm between a rock and a hard place, and I can really only continue to pray and assure the Lord of my love for Him, and keep trying to pick my crosses up out of love for Him. I think Therese knew she had the big cup. I cannot imagine how anyone could have the big cup and not know it. How do you not know when torrents of God are flooding your soul? So when I say "indent of a pin prick" I mean it, and I don't feel it getting any larger.
This isn't the Little Way I was thinking of! I want the Little Way with the Big Cup! I don't want to feel as if I'm missing something REALLY big and important, and that when I get "there" I'm going to hear, "Who are you? I don't know you.."
So I would tie it together amazingly and profoundly (not really but you go on thinking that) but motherhood is relentless today (what's new?) and I must sacrifice profundity for cuddles.
God bless you.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
A Letter to My Two Guests
Dear Ida Wanna and Ida Feelikit,
You are free to leave anytime you like. You've been hanging around here for days creating nothing but trouble. If I can say anything positive about the last few days it's that if I did anything at all it was only for Jesus because you ladies have made getting anything done very difficult. May my dear Guardian Angel make your stay so hellacious that you leave. And soon.
Not Yours, Ever,
Me
All for You, Jesus, all for You, because goodness knows I don't want to.
You are free to leave anytime you like. You've been hanging around here for days creating nothing but trouble. If I can say anything positive about the last few days it's that if I did anything at all it was only for Jesus because you ladies have made getting anything done very difficult. May my dear Guardian Angel make your stay so hellacious that you leave. And soon.
Not Yours, Ever,
Me
All for You, Jesus, all for You, because goodness knows I don't want to.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Clean Your Room!
Me, frustrated with Kiddies: "You know my goal for you was to have this week free except for a couple of minor chores but you have refused to clean your rooms and so you are spending day after day not free, but with this never-ending drudgery!"
Then I realized...this is how God must feel when we don't go to confession. He has so much grace available to us to make our lives much freer, and yet we refuse to "clean our rooms" and make our day-to-day living so difficult as a result. It doesn't have to be so hard. Go to Confession.
Then I realized...this is how God must feel when we don't go to confession. He has so much grace available to us to make our lives much freer, and yet we refuse to "clean our rooms" and make our day-to-day living so difficult as a result. It doesn't have to be so hard. Go to Confession.
Then Act Like It
It was a good Lent this year. For once, I can honestly say I am leaving this season behind in a better spiritual state than when it began, but this is not a boast. I am better off because I have a better understanding of my spiritual poverty. That is only a gift God can bestow, and I believe the soul has to be open to receiving such insight. It's much easier to hang onto a belief that we're doing fine spiritually, that we are giving all we can to the Lord, even where there is a tiny voice deep down that says, "This is good, but I have better in mind." "But Lord, if this is good, and I like it, why can't I stay here?" "Because I have called you." "Oh. I see."
He called me years ago when I was freshly returned to my Catholic faith. I didn't know to where, but I knew I was being called to a greater commitment beyond that of my Baptism and Confirmation. I looked into the Benedictine Oblates. Fr. Kelly, may his soul rest in peace, knew that wouldn't
be a good fit for me. He told me to look into the Third Order Discalced Carmelites, which meets at our parish. In about five or six years, I could make promises of chastity and obedience, and have the option of making a further vow but I forget the specifics of the vow--whether it was public, private, etc. I won't get into specifics, but five years later, in 2006, the Carmelite thing was over. It died a long, slow death. I still have an intense fondness for the Carmelite saints and Carmelite spirituality, especially their charism of contemplative prayer, but I am not called there.
The Lord calls me in ways that are hard to discern and easy to brush off. Early into the Carmelite stint, I was approached at daily Mass by a dear lady who gave me a holy card on which was information about something called the Holy Family Institute. I was fully engaged with the Carmelites, though, and said that I couldn't do both. I kept that card, though, for years, but didn't look into the Holy Family Institute.
After Carmel, I was spiritually burned and just drifting aimlessly. Oh I was still fervently in love with and never doubting of the Catholic faith, but I didn't want another failed start in a church organization. Going at it alone would likely be unproductive. I'd either be too hard on myself/expect too much, and the lack of accountability and spiritual direction would be detrimental. I remembered the card Renee gave me. I looked up the HFI online. A member of the Pauline family (I love the Daughters of St. Paul, and their bookstores are heavenly)... Media apostolate... For married couples... Church regulated vows of poverty, chastity and obedience (with a promise of fidelity to the Pope!)-- this was even more than I could have within the Carmelites. I was hopeful.
I contacted them, and got started with the daily prayers. For months, I struggled, amidst the chaos that erupted in our lives, to keep up with what was required of me as a postulant. It really came to a head when I was very gently advised that no matter how long my postulancy would last, I could go no further within the Institute if I didn't prioritize it and meet my spiritual obligations. This was in February. I had good news for Fr. Tom in March, and he was pleased. Lent was upon us and I already knew my Lent would be spent integrating the HFI spirituality into my daily routine.
For once in my life, I did not go backwards during Lent, and by the time I got to Holy Thursday, I was primed for a reflective and meaningful Easter Triduum. For those who aren't familiar with the Triduum, it begins at Holy Thursday Mass, continues at the Good Friday service, and ends after the Easter Vigil Mass on Saturday night. Not only was I determined to take part in whatever I could this year, but I wanted my oldest three children to have this experience also. They absolutely enjoyed it. Praise God!
Thursday was a beautiful service. Watching our pastor, Fr. Krempa, washing the feet of twelve parish men brought tears to my eyes. We stayed after Mass to watch them strip the church for Good Friday, and I really felt immersed in the whole spirit of the reality of what we were commemorating. Good Friday came. I was elated, for that is my favorite service of the year (although after having seen the Easter Vigil I do think there is a tie!!).
I can't really pinpoint what prompted it, or when exactly it happened, but it became apparent to me that the Lord was drawing a line in the sand for me. I really did feel called to be consecrated to the Lord under vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I really did feel an affinity with the Pauline Order and their media apostolate, for many reasons. And yet, I had gotten myself into a routine of spending more time speaking of the Lord to others and less time actually speaking TO Him. Was I living my every moment for Him? To the best of my ability. Was I prayerfully offering my days to Him? Oh yes. Was there really anything I did that wasn't driven by my faith in and love for the Lord? Not a whole lot...but still, I was speaking to others and not enough to Him. I was distracting myself in many ways, doing things which were "good" but not focusing on the "better" to which I was being called. I was either going to continue to spin my spiritual wheels and never move forward with this call, or I was going to have to get serious. The Lord finally called me out on being a Wannabe.
"I have called you. Do you want this?"
"Yes! Yes, Lord!"
"Then act like it."
SMACK. *ouch*
"Yes...yes, Lord."
As I approached the crucifix for veneration on Good Friday evening, I told Him that when I kissed the crucifix, I would be leaving there at his feet everything which came between me and my calling towards a vowed, consecrated life in the Holy Family Institute. I begged that He, in the Holy Communion I would receive shortly thereafter, and on Easter Vigil, would give me the grace and strength to carry through on this promise.
And so here we are. This Easter I celebrated the new life of the Risen Jesus. I also celebrated my own new life, one I have dreamed of for many years. I long for the day when I will not only be under my marriage vows, but will be under the evangelical vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. I have been under private vows of chastity and obedience, received by Fr. Kelly in 2005, but when I have completed this path, my vows will no longer be private, but public.
What does this mean? Primarily, this means that for those with whom I am in contact via Facebook, you won't be hearing as much from me throughout the day (is that a sigh of relief I heard?). I simply love communicating with others just a bit too much. However I am not only easily distracted by Facebook; I am easily disturbed and thrown off-center by some of the things I read. Mind you, these aren't faith-shaking things, just disturbing reminders of how far off-kilter and how far from reality we are becoming as a culture. Knowing I am sending eight children off into this increasingly anti-Christian culture does upset me, but I've no doubt they will leave this house prepared. Perfect? Of course not. But they will have a firm foundation to fall back on.
I realize that no amount of evangelizing is going to persuade people who really just need prayer. No amount of evangelizing is going to make up for my lack of prayer. Evangelizing and trying to spread truth are good things, but there is better. Our Lord, the Apostles, when they would go and preach the Gospel in an area, they would do so for a time, and then move on. I'd been fighting that nagging feeling, but it was time to confront it. Most people give up something for Lent. I was sort of giving up something for Easter, but it had to happen in order for me to respond to the Lord. I answer to nobody but Him.
I couldn't just leave for good, though. It is my primary mode of keeping up with many people I care about, and I do care, very much. I thought, "Maybe I shouldn't say anything. It's going to look like I'm saying, 'Well I'm just too holy for you guys! SEE YA!'" but for those who truly know me, you know I'm not like that. No, in all reality I am so "unholy" that I have to step back from all that so easily takes my focus off of what I feel is a strong call to more prayer and a burning desire to immerse myself in the scriptures and all things Pauline. Some people can handle it all, keep perspective, and have no problem Not I. Frankly, with eight children, homeschooling, and the doula/placenta jobs, something has to take a back seat. Yarncrafting isn't it (although for the amount I have picked it up in the last year you'd think so!).
So I'm still here, but not nearly as much. I am getting much practice in "X-ing" out my Facebook window when I have about five more things I wanted to look at or share. I know sometimes I will see the "irresistable" share. I know sometimes I'll go over the minute or two I allow myself to check, and I pray I will never spend that time in vain. I am returning to this blog now, because sometimes I do have things I would love to share, but even that must be kept in moderation.
In my most recent note from Father Tom, it was alluded to that Kermit and I will be admitted to the Novitiate of the Holy Family Institute at their three-day retreat (they call it their "Triduum"!) in September. I'm in about as much disbelief at that as I was at catching a baby on Monday!
If there is any intention I can pray for for you, even if you do not elaborate and just say "special intention", do let me know. I keep a book of intentions and will pray for them. If there is anything you definitely want me to see or know, private message me. It will show up as a notification on my phone and I'll see it right away. I will not necessarily see things on my wall anytime soon after you post it! That's all for now. Pray for me, and I will pray for you.
Yours in the Risen Christ,
The Holy Wannabe
PS. The official definition of the HFI is as follows:
"The Holy Family Institute
A Religious Institute made up of married or widowed people which is 'aggregated' to, or is a branch of, a larger Religious Family, the 'Pauline Family'. Its members make Church-sanctioned religious vows, as in Secular Institutes, adapted according to the conditions of the married state and the normal requirements of family life.
Membership in the Holy Family Institute is open to any Catholic husband and wife who lead normal lives and observe the teaching of the Church in their marriages. There is no upper age limit or special educational requirements. Widows, widowers and childless couples are also eligible."
To learn more, visit: http://www.vocations-holyfamily.com/join.html
He called me years ago when I was freshly returned to my Catholic faith. I didn't know to where, but I knew I was being called to a greater commitment beyond that of my Baptism and Confirmation. I looked into the Benedictine Oblates. Fr. Kelly, may his soul rest in peace, knew that wouldn't
be a good fit for me. He told me to look into the Third Order Discalced Carmelites, which meets at our parish. In about five or six years, I could make promises of chastity and obedience, and have the option of making a further vow but I forget the specifics of the vow--whether it was public, private, etc. I won't get into specifics, but five years later, in 2006, the Carmelite thing was over. It died a long, slow death. I still have an intense fondness for the Carmelite saints and Carmelite spirituality, especially their charism of contemplative prayer, but I am not called there.
The Lord calls me in ways that are hard to discern and easy to brush off. Early into the Carmelite stint, I was approached at daily Mass by a dear lady who gave me a holy card on which was information about something called the Holy Family Institute. I was fully engaged with the Carmelites, though, and said that I couldn't do both. I kept that card, though, for years, but didn't look into the Holy Family Institute.
After Carmel, I was spiritually burned and just drifting aimlessly. Oh I was still fervently in love with and never doubting of the Catholic faith, but I didn't want another failed start in a church organization. Going at it alone would likely be unproductive. I'd either be too hard on myself/expect too much, and the lack of accountability and spiritual direction would be detrimental. I remembered the card Renee gave me. I looked up the HFI online. A member of the Pauline family (I love the Daughters of St. Paul, and their bookstores are heavenly)... Media apostolate... For married couples... Church regulated vows of poverty, chastity and obedience (with a promise of fidelity to the Pope!)-- this was even more than I could have within the Carmelites. I was hopeful.
I contacted them, and got started with the daily prayers. For months, I struggled, amidst the chaos that erupted in our lives, to keep up with what was required of me as a postulant. It really came to a head when I was very gently advised that no matter how long my postulancy would last, I could go no further within the Institute if I didn't prioritize it and meet my spiritual obligations. This was in February. I had good news for Fr. Tom in March, and he was pleased. Lent was upon us and I already knew my Lent would be spent integrating the HFI spirituality into my daily routine.
For once in my life, I did not go backwards during Lent, and by the time I got to Holy Thursday, I was primed for a reflective and meaningful Easter Triduum. For those who aren't familiar with the Triduum, it begins at Holy Thursday Mass, continues at the Good Friday service, and ends after the Easter Vigil Mass on Saturday night. Not only was I determined to take part in whatever I could this year, but I wanted my oldest three children to have this experience also. They absolutely enjoyed it. Praise God!
Thursday was a beautiful service. Watching our pastor, Fr. Krempa, washing the feet of twelve parish men brought tears to my eyes. We stayed after Mass to watch them strip the church for Good Friday, and I really felt immersed in the whole spirit of the reality of what we were commemorating. Good Friday came. I was elated, for that is my favorite service of the year (although after having seen the Easter Vigil I do think there is a tie!!).
I can't really pinpoint what prompted it, or when exactly it happened, but it became apparent to me that the Lord was drawing a line in the sand for me. I really did feel called to be consecrated to the Lord under vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I really did feel an affinity with the Pauline Order and their media apostolate, for many reasons. And yet, I had gotten myself into a routine of spending more time speaking of the Lord to others and less time actually speaking TO Him. Was I living my every moment for Him? To the best of my ability. Was I prayerfully offering my days to Him? Oh yes. Was there really anything I did that wasn't driven by my faith in and love for the Lord? Not a whole lot...but still, I was speaking to others and not enough to Him. I was distracting myself in many ways, doing things which were "good" but not focusing on the "better" to which I was being called. I was either going to continue to spin my spiritual wheels and never move forward with this call, or I was going to have to get serious. The Lord finally called me out on being a Wannabe.
"I have called you. Do you want this?"
"Yes! Yes, Lord!"
"Then act like it."
SMACK. *ouch*
"Yes...yes, Lord."
As I approached the crucifix for veneration on Good Friday evening, I told Him that when I kissed the crucifix, I would be leaving there at his feet everything which came between me and my calling towards a vowed, consecrated life in the Holy Family Institute. I begged that He, in the Holy Communion I would receive shortly thereafter, and on Easter Vigil, would give me the grace and strength to carry through on this promise.
And so here we are. This Easter I celebrated the new life of the Risen Jesus. I also celebrated my own new life, one I have dreamed of for many years. I long for the day when I will not only be under my marriage vows, but will be under the evangelical vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. I have been under private vows of chastity and obedience, received by Fr. Kelly in 2005, but when I have completed this path, my vows will no longer be private, but public.
What does this mean? Primarily, this means that for those with whom I am in contact via Facebook, you won't be hearing as much from me throughout the day (is that a sigh of relief I heard?). I simply love communicating with others just a bit too much. However I am not only easily distracted by Facebook; I am easily disturbed and thrown off-center by some of the things I read. Mind you, these aren't faith-shaking things, just disturbing reminders of how far off-kilter and how far from reality we are becoming as a culture. Knowing I am sending eight children off into this increasingly anti-Christian culture does upset me, but I've no doubt they will leave this house prepared. Perfect? Of course not. But they will have a firm foundation to fall back on.
I realize that no amount of evangelizing is going to persuade people who really just need prayer. No amount of evangelizing is going to make up for my lack of prayer. Evangelizing and trying to spread truth are good things, but there is better. Our Lord, the Apostles, when they would go and preach the Gospel in an area, they would do so for a time, and then move on. I'd been fighting that nagging feeling, but it was time to confront it. Most people give up something for Lent. I was sort of giving up something for Easter, but it had to happen in order for me to respond to the Lord. I answer to nobody but Him.
I couldn't just leave for good, though. It is my primary mode of keeping up with many people I care about, and I do care, very much. I thought, "Maybe I shouldn't say anything. It's going to look like I'm saying, 'Well I'm just too holy for you guys! SEE YA!'" but for those who truly know me, you know I'm not like that. No, in all reality I am so "unholy" that I have to step back from all that so easily takes my focus off of what I feel is a strong call to more prayer and a burning desire to immerse myself in the scriptures and all things Pauline. Some people can handle it all, keep perspective, and have no problem Not I. Frankly, with eight children, homeschooling, and the doula/placenta jobs, something has to take a back seat. Yarncrafting isn't it (although for the amount I have picked it up in the last year you'd think so!).
So I'm still here, but not nearly as much. I am getting much practice in "X-ing" out my Facebook window when I have about five more things I wanted to look at or share. I know sometimes I will see the "irresistable" share. I know sometimes I'll go over the minute or two I allow myself to check, and I pray I will never spend that time in vain. I am returning to this blog now, because sometimes I do have things I would love to share, but even that must be kept in moderation.
In my most recent note from Father Tom, it was alluded to that Kermit and I will be admitted to the Novitiate of the Holy Family Institute at their three-day retreat (they call it their "Triduum"!) in September. I'm in about as much disbelief at that as I was at catching a baby on Monday!
If there is any intention I can pray for for you, even if you do not elaborate and just say "special intention", do let me know. I keep a book of intentions and will pray for them. If there is anything you definitely want me to see or know, private message me. It will show up as a notification on my phone and I'll see it right away. I will not necessarily see things on my wall anytime soon after you post it! That's all for now. Pray for me, and I will pray for you.
Yours in the Risen Christ,
The Holy Wannabe
PS. The official definition of the HFI is as follows:
"The Holy Family Institute
A Religious Institute made up of married or widowed people which is 'aggregated' to, or is a branch of, a larger Religious Family, the 'Pauline Family'. Its members make Church-sanctioned religious vows, as in Secular Institutes, adapted according to the conditions of the married state and the normal requirements of family life.
Membership in the Holy Family Institute is open to any Catholic husband and wife who lead normal lives and observe the teaching of the Church in their marriages. There is no upper age limit or special educational requirements. Widows, widowers and childless couples are also eligible."
To learn more, visit: http://www.vocations-holyfamily.com/join.html
Monday, February 20, 2012
Submit Part II: You Accept Our Money, You Play By Our Rules
"But the Church accepts federal money, so they need to play by federal rules!"
Not necessarily. My response, and then a little more following:
--------------------------------------------------
As a blanket statement, accepting federal money does not mean you forfeit your constitutional rights. For instance, in Louisiana, when the Federal Government tried to force the state to raise the legal drinking age from 18 to 21 on the premise that the state was receiving federal funds for highways, the courts ruled that Louisiana did not have to comply with this federal regulation even though they were receiving federal money.
So the question is, can the federal government override constitutionally protected rights by giving of their money? I'm going to bet no. This mandate does not even exclude organizations which don't accept federal money; it's a red herring argument.
-------------------------------------------------
If this is the game that the federal government is going to play, then the Catholic Church and its organizations need to tell the federal government, "To hell with your money," just as they have told us, "To hell with your beliefs and rights." If the bishops have said that they'd go to jail before complying with this unjust mandate, I'm pretty sure they'll be happy to tell the feds where they can put their money.
This needs to get to the Supreme Court. It doesn't have a leg to stand on. And no, I'm no lawyer. But I know a great one. Thanks, Amazing Advocate!
Not necessarily. My response, and then a little more following:
--------------------------------------------------
As a blanket statement, accepting federal money does not mean you forfeit your constitutional rights. For instance, in Louisiana, when the Federal Government tried to force the state to raise the legal drinking age from 18 to 21 on the premise that the state was receiving federal funds for highways, the courts ruled that Louisiana did not have to comply with this federal regulation even though they were receiving federal money.
So the question is, can the federal government override constitutionally protected rights by giving of their money? I'm going to bet no. This mandate does not even exclude organizations which don't accept federal money; it's a red herring argument.
-------------------------------------------------
If this is the game that the federal government is going to play, then the Catholic Church and its organizations need to tell the federal government, "To hell with your money," just as they have told us, "To hell with your beliefs and rights." If the bishops have said that they'd go to jail before complying with this unjust mandate, I'm pretty sure they'll be happy to tell the feds where they can put their money.
This needs to get to the Supreme Court. It doesn't have a leg to stand on. And no, I'm no lawyer. But I know a great one. Thanks, Amazing Advocate!
Submit, Woman! Submit!
To paraphrase the lady responding to an article which talks about all kinds of insurance coverage for sexually-natured surgeries for men, but when a woman wants the birth control pill all she gets is an aspirin..."But but but...the bible said women must submit to men, and you know, bear children until they die or whatever...how DARE we go against someone's God with our godless feminist ideals./sarcasm"
And so, of course, because I have not yet reached that degree of holiness where I feel blessed when others misrepresent, calumniate and lie about my faith, I was compelled to respond. I thought it was worth sharing, as I've just heard this portion of St. Paul's teachings twisted way too many times. I am sure you will be pleased with the lack of elaboration, as you know I do get...attack of the diarrhea hands.
----------------------------------------------
Actually X, the Bible goes beyond telling women to submit to their husbands, and tells men to love their wives like Christ loved the Church. Christ died for the Church. So it calls women to submit to a love that is patient, kind, not boastful, not envious, not arrogant, etc... and for men to die for their wives. Twisting scripture to make your case doesn't help it.
Godless feminists are certainly free to have ideals which go against someone else's God. They are not free, however, to ask the adherents of that God to go against their consciences and subsidize their ideals. The first amendment to the constitution is not disposable when it might impact your sex life if you work for a Catholic.
The coverage for mens' sexual surgeries is ludicrous. You know, when they were developing the pill way back when, it was originally designed for men. One or two men showed some testicular enlargement so they quit doing trials on men and started doing them on women instead. In the early runs, three women died. They adjusted the dosage. Sounds pretty anti-woman down to the roots to me. It's easy to demonize the other side as being anti-woman, but it's a baseless accusation. Catholicism reveres and respects women, and views their bodies as sacred. To suggest otherwise reveals that you have never actually gone to the Church's words to see what they teach about women.
---------------------------------------------
Hopefully this will at least clear up any ideas that women are somehow to be unjustly subjugated to power-hungry spouses, no matter what. If we loved as we ought to love, then nobody would take this scripture and misinterpret it, either in the case of the man who happens to be a tyrannical husband or in the case of the feminist who is trying to make Christianity--especially Catholicism--look anti-woman. Sorry folks, that anti-woman sentiment just is not there, not in the clergy, not in the religious, not in the laity.
And so, of course, because I have not yet reached that degree of holiness where I feel blessed when others misrepresent, calumniate and lie about my faith, I was compelled to respond. I thought it was worth sharing, as I've just heard this portion of St. Paul's teachings twisted way too many times. I am sure you will be pleased with the lack of elaboration, as you know I do get...attack of the diarrhea hands.
----------------------------------------------
Actually X, the Bible goes beyond telling women to submit to their husbands, and tells men to love their wives like Christ loved the Church. Christ died for the Church. So it calls women to submit to a love that is patient, kind, not boastful, not envious, not arrogant, etc... and for men to die for their wives. Twisting scripture to make your case doesn't help it.
Godless feminists are certainly free to have ideals which go against someone else's God. They are not free, however, to ask the adherents of that God to go against their consciences and subsidize their ideals. The first amendment to the constitution is not disposable when it might impact your sex life if you work for a Catholic.
The coverage for mens' sexual surgeries is ludicrous. You know, when they were developing the pill way back when, it was originally designed for men. One or two men showed some testicular enlargement so they quit doing trials on men and started doing them on women instead. In the early runs, three women died. They adjusted the dosage. Sounds pretty anti-woman down to the roots to me. It's easy to demonize the other side as being anti-woman, but it's a baseless accusation. Catholicism reveres and respects women, and views their bodies as sacred. To suggest otherwise reveals that you have never actually gone to the Church's words to see what they teach about women.
---------------------------------------------
Hopefully this will at least clear up any ideas that women are somehow to be unjustly subjugated to power-hungry spouses, no matter what. If we loved as we ought to love, then nobody would take this scripture and misinterpret it, either in the case of the man who happens to be a tyrannical husband or in the case of the feminist who is trying to make Christianity--especially Catholicism--look anti-woman. Sorry folks, that anti-woman sentiment just is not there, not in the clergy, not in the religious, not in the laity.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Wham Bam Thank You Maam Introduction to Catholic Sexual Thought
"The 'great mystery,' which is the Church and humanity in Christ, does not exist apart from the 'great mystery' expressed in the 'one flesh'...reality of marriage and the family." ~Pope John Paul II
For the record, my quotes are going to come from Christopher West's _Good News About Sex and Marriage_, although if I had to recommend a book to read on the issue, it would probably be Kimberly Hahn's _Life Giving Love_. I lent out my copy, and I think they might have liked it because I told them to send it back if they didn't. Awesome!
In my previous post, I talked a lot about sex being an act by which two people engage in self- donation, the giving of their entire selves to one another, without reserve. This is clearly not the culture's view of what sex is. Today, sex is a recreational activity. I'm going to play tennis, I'm going to a movie, I'm going to get laid. Just do it! Where does this idea of sex as self-donation come from, and why do we insist upon each intimate embrace between a man and woman being such an intense experience, one that could change their lives forever?
If you're an atheist, you may wish to hang it up now, unless you care to go on a quest to understand the existence of God and why God is a Trinity of three Divine Persons sharing one Divine nature. Goodness knows there is no shortage of writing upon this and people willing to answer questions. But I will start from the presupposition that God exists, and is a Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
One of the opening paragraphs in West's book reads:
"'Love one another as I have loved you,' (Jn 15:12). These words of Christ sum up the meaning of life *and* the meaning of human sexuality. At its core, sexual morality is about expressing God's love through our bodies. This is why Pope John Paull II can say that if we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfill the very meaning of our being and existence." (West, p.17) He goes on to discuss that the opposite is true, that if we disregard the truth of our sexuality, then we miss the meaning of life altogether, and as such true happiness and joy will elude us. He says, "Disputes about sexual morality, then, are not merely about differing ethical perspectives, different interpretations of Scripture, or Church authority versus personal conscience. No, they go much deeper than that. At their root, disputes about sexual morality are disputes about the very meaning of life." This is very important to understand, and provides a key as to why Catholics are, as people say, "So hung up on sex." (West, p.18) A little more...
"When we search out the true meaning of sexuality, we touch on the core of our being as men and women. We encounter our deepest longings and aspirations and, at the same time, our deepest fears, wounds, selfishness, and sins. Here lies the challenge: we must face the reality of our humanity--the good and the bad--if we are to discover the truth about our sexuality. Inevitably this leads us to the cross. For it is Christ who, by showing us the truth about love, shows us the meaning of life."(West, p.17) So this is important to know, and it is real. It does not ignore that we are fallen beings with disordered wills and inclinations. We do not have to be perfect angels to fit into this paradigm. It will require struggle--the cross--but in the end it will bring life and redemption.
So we start with God. Genesis. Creation and a marriage. The Bible ends with Revelation, and a wedding, the wedding feast of The Lamb and His Bride, which we know is Christ and the Church. Sandwiched in between these two books is a love story with the theme of God's love for His people being as the love of a husband for his wife. Marriage and relationships form the underlying theme of most of the books. I am sure I do not have to give you example upon example, but I will point out the books of Song of Songs and Tobit, the former with its poetry of lovers and seduction and the latter with its emphasis upon the marital bed not being a place of unbridled lust, but a sanctified altar upon which a sacrificial coming together of man and wife occurs, not without risk to those who undertake that coming together with the wrong intentions! So you have God and His people, the Jews. He binds Himself to them through covenants, and no matter the extent of their faithfulness-sometimes it was quite poor- He always remained faithful. God formed a covenental union with His people and divorce was not an option. Then, as today, God's people were hard-hearted and it took a long time to prepare them for the coming of the Messiah. Christ did, come, though, the embodiment of the love of husband for bride. The New Covenant was going to be sealed with the sacrificial blood of God Himself. So, West says, "applying this analogy, we can say that God's plan from all eternity is to 'marry' us (see Hos 2:19). " (West, p.19) This plan was so important that God stamped it right onto our very beings so we wouldn't miss it. Our very existence, the meaning of our lives, who we are, who God is, how we are to live, all of these things are found in the truth and meaning of human sexuality and marriage. Now we're getting to the incredible stuff.
So God wants to "marry" us. Before He did this, before there even was an "us," there was God. John says that God is love, but it goes much deeper than this. God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Read that again. God is a...family! He not only is "a" family, but He IS family. Our families are but mere images of the family that IS God. God is "a life-giving Communion of Persons." The Father pours Himself out, makes a gift of Himself in perfect love, to the Son, who is the "beloved" of the Father (Mt 3:17). The Son receives this outpouring of love from the Father, and returns the Father's self donation with His own. So the Father perfectly, eternally gives His entirety to the Son, and the Son back to the Father. That perfect love is "so real, so profound, that this love *is* another eternal Person--the Holy Spirit.
Let's go even further. The Son comes down, sent from the Father to make the marriage covenant with the people. Jesus comes. He fulfills the Father's Will perfectly. He gives Himself entirely to and for His people, past, present and future. He seals this New Covenant in His Blood, the infinitely perfect sacrifice of the New Adam making reparation for the infinitely offensive rebellion of the first Adam. So He gives Himself, and then it's all done? Well, yes...and no. Our redemption is complete, and now it is left to us to participate in this. How do we participate in Calvary? We participate in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, which places us mystically at the crucifixion, and at which we do what the Father commanded His children to do with the Sacrificial Lamb, what Jesus, the Lamb of God, told us to do: We eat the body and drink the blood of Jesus Christ. We "communicate". We "receive Holy Communion." We take Jesus Christ into our bodies, body, blood, soul and divinity. We participate in our redemption by participating in the renewal of that Covenant that has taken place since the first days of Christianity, in which Christ is made present, under the form of bread and wine, offered to the Father (He is not sacrificed over and over; He is re-presented to the Father, for all those present. The one sacrifice is sufficient, and re-entered into, and re-presented to the Father), and then here's the kicker: this marital covenant, the new covenant, is consummated in the receiving of Jesus Christ into our bodies, our offering the totality of our beings to Him at this time, and from this communion of God and man springs forth life: spiritual life. He said in John 6 that whoever eats His Body and drinks His Blood lives in Him and He lives in us and He will raise us up on the last day. This is a mystery, a spiritual reality that we do not see or completely understand, but a reality nonetheless. Read the book of Revelation. Read about the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. It is the Mass. It is what we do every Sunday, and some of us every day. For a much greater exposition of this teaching, read Scott Hahn's _The Lamb's Supper_. But why am I talking about Mass and Holy Communion when I should be talking about sex?
As men and women made in the image and likeness of God, what does this mean for us? Well for one, as images of God, we need to mirror in our own lives the love of the Trinity. Our families on earth are but reflections of the Family that is God. We have both the model of the Father pouring Himself into the Son and vice versa, creating the Person that is the Holy Spirit, and we also have the model of Jesus Christ saying, "This is my body, given for you. This is my blood, poured out for the covenant," and then the reception of Jesus Himself into our bodies in this form to seal this marital covenant and bring forth the life that springs from this unbridled, liberal, selfless giving of the totality of persons to each other. These are not just "models," however. These are guides, directions by example of how we are to love each other in our families.
Husband and wife are called to submit to each other, in love and respect, and give of themselves sacrificially, saying to each other, "This is my body, this is my blood, shed for you." As the woman gives her body and blood in the sexual act and the bringing forth of a child, the husband gives his body and then blood in the efforts to support his family. Admittedly, it used to be a little more bloody for the guys than it is now. We are to love each other as Christ loved us, with our totality, unto sacrifice. He gave it all for us, and we are called to give it all for Him. In our marriages, this means we do not conracept. I speak about this in the context of marriage because it is the only context in which the sexual union--the renewal of the marital covenant which unites the spouses and from which new life springs--can licitly take place. The sexual act is a consummation and renewal of a covenant. (Holy Communion is also a consummation and renewal of a covenant. We should, of course, not over-sexualize the Mass, but these are Truths that cannot be denied and which help us place our sexuality into perspective.) To have sex outside marriage is to say a bond exists which does not yet exist, no matter whether the two people love each other, or plan on marrying, until God has joined them, that bond is not present. In some of the Eastern Catholic marriage rites, the bride and groom are presented to each other as each other's crosses by which they will get to Heaven. This is not a put down; we all know that marriage does not come without its sorrows and difficult times. The covenantal bond, and the renewal of that covenant in the marital embrace are what provide the grace to get through these difficult times.
How does contraception fit in? Well contraception is a refusal to give all unto sacrifice. It basically says, "I want the pleasure with none of the commitment, none of the pain." It is a naturally human feeling to be afraid of sacrificing. I cannot say that I am sitting here just jumping at the bit to go through morning sickness, watch my house fall to bits, and deal with the general chaos which come with pregnancy. But I'm either going to give my husband my ALL, or I'm going to wait until I can do that. Contraception, it could be said, could be akin to Jesus calling it quits right at the height of his popularity as He rode into Jerusalem to shouts of "Hosanna!" I'm sure that was a nice feeling for him, to feel the love from others. His love, however, was a different kind of love, one that did not end at the prospect of pain, suffering, and death. Jesus' love brought Him to Calvary, to suffer and die, and then back to each and every one of us who will come to Him in the Eucharist to receive Him. How beautiful that He still makes Himself vulnerable to us so that each and every one of us down through the ages can receive Him just like the apostles did at the Last Supper.
What if you applied contraception to the model of the Holy Trinity? You'd have no Holy Spirit. What if you applied contraception to the institution of the New Covenant? If the body of Christ did not suffer and die, then the body of Christ is not brought forth through the words of the priest and the power of the Holy Spirit for us to receive. This would all make John 6 very difficult to understand, and also Revelation. But fortunately for us, this is not God's way. Just as God does not divorce His people, and so divorce is not permitted to us, He does not withhold even the tiniest drops of His love, not within the Trinity, and not from us, His people, as evidenced in the Crucifixion..and so neither are we permitted to hold back from our spouses, even when it would bring sacrifice. This is love: the selfless pouring out of one to another without counting the cost to self.
So when I'm asked about the poor, and shouldn't they have contraception, I naturally recoil. Jesus had a special love for and affinity with the poor. He told us we'd always have the poor with us. They enable us to become Christ to others. They teach us what is truly important in life, especially when in the midst of their poverty they radiate joy and love. The poor may have few material possessions, but they have large hearts. Don't ask these people to compromise the extent of their ability to give and receive love within their marriages. Let them be generous with each other. Support their covenant of love. Give them tools to understand and work with their fertility so that if they need to postpone pregnancy for a time, or even indefinitely, they can do so without ruining the image of God's love in their love-making. Let them selflessly pour themselves into each other as they renew and strengthen the truest thing they have on this earth, their road to Heaven, their marital bond. For the little they may have, their dignity demands we not strip them of the selfless marital embrace. This will give them the grace they need to endure their hardships with strength.
God has given us periods of fertility and infertility each month for a reason. It is good for our bodies, and it is good for our marriages. Pregnancy is good for our bodies and good for our marriages. We could not have been designed any better. When we are trying to avoid pregnancy, rather than rendering sterile something which would otherwise be fertile and partaking of it in a degraded form, when we abstain during the fertile times, we are still accepting each other in totality, but saying "I accept your fertility and I respect it, so we will not suppress it for the sake of selfish pleasure. We would have to hold back our expressions of love, and therefore render divisive what should be unitive between us." When we contracept, we engage in the bulemia of sexuality. We binge and binge, and then do something very unnatural to reject the consequences of our gluttony. When men see their women as available 100% of the time, they may struggle when she does not wish to engage in relations as much as he does. He may come to resent when she turns his initiations to intimacy down, and take it personally, when it is not personal at all. Conversely, when the woman feels she has to be available all the time, she may give of herself more out of obligation to satisfy her husband's needs than out of a desire to give herself totally and receive the person of her husband, and the depths of the intimate union that entails. The union of man and woman is shortchanged, the spark that is the possibility of new life--even if a lower possibility due to a perceived time of infertility--is extinguished. Many couples experience the deterioration of their marriages when they contracept for long periods of time, or even worse, sterilize themselves. They do not know why, but if I had to guess, I would say that it has to do with the selfishness that gradually creeps into the marital embrace which renders it dull, and eventually dead. To those who know contraception is a mortal sin--one which cuts you off from the grace of God and extinguishes the life of God in your soul (until you receive forgiveness through Jesus Christ through the ministry of the priesthood)--they may not understand that their sexual unions no longer are providing grace to their marriages. You maybe cannot touch grace with your hands, but when the grace is gone, you know it. I don't see the oxygen I breathe, but I'd know pretty quickly if it were gone. I cannot see my husband's love for me, but I would know if it were gone. So mirroring the love of the Trinity, and the love of Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom, for the Church, His Bride, we are called as spouses to keep our lovemaking open to receiving children. Even if we think we are infertile, God still has the power to open the womb. Our openness to this, and trust in His plan for us is paramount. Otherwise, when we take that pill, insert the IUD, or place the condom on, we are essentially shutting God out of the renewal of our marital covenant--the one we contracted with Him, for a marriage is really between three: man, woman, and God. We're saying, "Your kind of love is good for you, but we're not interested in loving as You do. It hurts too much." A slap in the face of the God who loved us so much He sent His Son to die on the cross for us. Could it hurt more than the Crucifixion did? "But God can get around a condom, IUD, pill, etc." Sure He can. But remember the stern warning of Our Lord, "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test." Do not play that game with God, and do not make presumptions on His making an exception in "your situation." He made no exception for His Son.
All this established, let it be known that Catholics are not prudes. We are a sensual bunch of people--we love sights, sounds, smells, tastes, etc. We are not afraid of our sexuality. We embrace it! It is good! You should hear Pope John Paul II discuss it, encouraging men to be sure their wives are receiving pleasure in their coming together. I have even heard it stated that the sexual climax is about the closest that we can come to the experience of the ecstasy of being one with God. It is no wonder we have a sex addiction problem in our society. We have a bunch of poor souls who don't have a correct understanding of the God who loves them so very much.
One last word, before I end this, to those Catholics who may be reading this and are using contraception. Now that you understand why contraception is such an affront to the love of God, and an insult to not only your spouse, but your marriage, the next time you go to Holy Mass, please refrain from receiving Holy Communion in a state of mortal sin, unless you have gone to confession and received absolution with the intent to never commit the sin of contraception again. Remember what Holy Communion is. Remember what contraception says. Do not receive the totality of Him who gave His All for you if you are not prepared to in turn do the same for your spouse, to "Love one another, as I have loved you."
For the record, my quotes are going to come from Christopher West's _Good News About Sex and Marriage_, although if I had to recommend a book to read on the issue, it would probably be Kimberly Hahn's _Life Giving Love_. I lent out my copy, and I think they might have liked it because I told them to send it back if they didn't. Awesome!
In my previous post, I talked a lot about sex being an act by which two people engage in self- donation, the giving of their entire selves to one another, without reserve. This is clearly not the culture's view of what sex is. Today, sex is a recreational activity. I'm going to play tennis, I'm going to a movie, I'm going to get laid. Just do it! Where does this idea of sex as self-donation come from, and why do we insist upon each intimate embrace between a man and woman being such an intense experience, one that could change their lives forever?
If you're an atheist, you may wish to hang it up now, unless you care to go on a quest to understand the existence of God and why God is a Trinity of three Divine Persons sharing one Divine nature. Goodness knows there is no shortage of writing upon this and people willing to answer questions. But I will start from the presupposition that God exists, and is a Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
One of the opening paragraphs in West's book reads:
"'Love one another as I have loved you,' (Jn 15:12). These words of Christ sum up the meaning of life *and* the meaning of human sexuality. At its core, sexual morality is about expressing God's love through our bodies. This is why Pope John Paull II can say that if we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfill the very meaning of our being and existence." (West, p.17) He goes on to discuss that the opposite is true, that if we disregard the truth of our sexuality, then we miss the meaning of life altogether, and as such true happiness and joy will elude us. He says, "Disputes about sexual morality, then, are not merely about differing ethical perspectives, different interpretations of Scripture, or Church authority versus personal conscience. No, they go much deeper than that. At their root, disputes about sexual morality are disputes about the very meaning of life." This is very important to understand, and provides a key as to why Catholics are, as people say, "So hung up on sex." (West, p.18) A little more...
"When we search out the true meaning of sexuality, we touch on the core of our being as men and women. We encounter our deepest longings and aspirations and, at the same time, our deepest fears, wounds, selfishness, and sins. Here lies the challenge: we must face the reality of our humanity--the good and the bad--if we are to discover the truth about our sexuality. Inevitably this leads us to the cross. For it is Christ who, by showing us the truth about love, shows us the meaning of life."(West, p.17) So this is important to know, and it is real. It does not ignore that we are fallen beings with disordered wills and inclinations. We do not have to be perfect angels to fit into this paradigm. It will require struggle--the cross--but in the end it will bring life and redemption.
So we start with God. Genesis. Creation and a marriage. The Bible ends with Revelation, and a wedding, the wedding feast of The Lamb and His Bride, which we know is Christ and the Church. Sandwiched in between these two books is a love story with the theme of God's love for His people being as the love of a husband for his wife. Marriage and relationships form the underlying theme of most of the books. I am sure I do not have to give you example upon example, but I will point out the books of Song of Songs and Tobit, the former with its poetry of lovers and seduction and the latter with its emphasis upon the marital bed not being a place of unbridled lust, but a sanctified altar upon which a sacrificial coming together of man and wife occurs, not without risk to those who undertake that coming together with the wrong intentions! So you have God and His people, the Jews. He binds Himself to them through covenants, and no matter the extent of their faithfulness-sometimes it was quite poor- He always remained faithful. God formed a covenental union with His people and divorce was not an option. Then, as today, God's people were hard-hearted and it took a long time to prepare them for the coming of the Messiah. Christ did, come, though, the embodiment of the love of husband for bride. The New Covenant was going to be sealed with the sacrificial blood of God Himself. So, West says, "applying this analogy, we can say that God's plan from all eternity is to 'marry' us (see Hos 2:19). " (West, p.19) This plan was so important that God stamped it right onto our very beings so we wouldn't miss it. Our very existence, the meaning of our lives, who we are, who God is, how we are to live, all of these things are found in the truth and meaning of human sexuality and marriage. Now we're getting to the incredible stuff.
So God wants to "marry" us. Before He did this, before there even was an "us," there was God. John says that God is love, but it goes much deeper than this. God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Read that again. God is a...family! He not only is "a" family, but He IS family. Our families are but mere images of the family that IS God. God is "a life-giving Communion of Persons." The Father pours Himself out, makes a gift of Himself in perfect love, to the Son, who is the "beloved" of the Father (Mt 3:17). The Son receives this outpouring of love from the Father, and returns the Father's self donation with His own. So the Father perfectly, eternally gives His entirety to the Son, and the Son back to the Father. That perfect love is "so real, so profound, that this love *is* another eternal Person--the Holy Spirit.
Let's go even further. The Son comes down, sent from the Father to make the marriage covenant with the people. Jesus comes. He fulfills the Father's Will perfectly. He gives Himself entirely to and for His people, past, present and future. He seals this New Covenant in His Blood, the infinitely perfect sacrifice of the New Adam making reparation for the infinitely offensive rebellion of the first Adam. So He gives Himself, and then it's all done? Well, yes...and no. Our redemption is complete, and now it is left to us to participate in this. How do we participate in Calvary? We participate in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, which places us mystically at the crucifixion, and at which we do what the Father commanded His children to do with the Sacrificial Lamb, what Jesus, the Lamb of God, told us to do: We eat the body and drink the blood of Jesus Christ. We "communicate". We "receive Holy Communion." We take Jesus Christ into our bodies, body, blood, soul and divinity. We participate in our redemption by participating in the renewal of that Covenant that has taken place since the first days of Christianity, in which Christ is made present, under the form of bread and wine, offered to the Father (He is not sacrificed over and over; He is re-presented to the Father, for all those present. The one sacrifice is sufficient, and re-entered into, and re-presented to the Father), and then here's the kicker: this marital covenant, the new covenant, is consummated in the receiving of Jesus Christ into our bodies, our offering the totality of our beings to Him at this time, and from this communion of God and man springs forth life: spiritual life. He said in John 6 that whoever eats His Body and drinks His Blood lives in Him and He lives in us and He will raise us up on the last day. This is a mystery, a spiritual reality that we do not see or completely understand, but a reality nonetheless. Read the book of Revelation. Read about the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. It is the Mass. It is what we do every Sunday, and some of us every day. For a much greater exposition of this teaching, read Scott Hahn's _The Lamb's Supper_. But why am I talking about Mass and Holy Communion when I should be talking about sex?
As men and women made in the image and likeness of God, what does this mean for us? Well for one, as images of God, we need to mirror in our own lives the love of the Trinity. Our families on earth are but reflections of the Family that is God. We have both the model of the Father pouring Himself into the Son and vice versa, creating the Person that is the Holy Spirit, and we also have the model of Jesus Christ saying, "This is my body, given for you. This is my blood, poured out for the covenant," and then the reception of Jesus Himself into our bodies in this form to seal this marital covenant and bring forth the life that springs from this unbridled, liberal, selfless giving of the totality of persons to each other. These are not just "models," however. These are guides, directions by example of how we are to love each other in our families.
Husband and wife are called to submit to each other, in love and respect, and give of themselves sacrificially, saying to each other, "This is my body, this is my blood, shed for you." As the woman gives her body and blood in the sexual act and the bringing forth of a child, the husband gives his body and then blood in the efforts to support his family. Admittedly, it used to be a little more bloody for the guys than it is now. We are to love each other as Christ loved us, with our totality, unto sacrifice. He gave it all for us, and we are called to give it all for Him. In our marriages, this means we do not conracept. I speak about this in the context of marriage because it is the only context in which the sexual union--the renewal of the marital covenant which unites the spouses and from which new life springs--can licitly take place. The sexual act is a consummation and renewal of a covenant. (Holy Communion is also a consummation and renewal of a covenant. We should, of course, not over-sexualize the Mass, but these are Truths that cannot be denied and which help us place our sexuality into perspective.) To have sex outside marriage is to say a bond exists which does not yet exist, no matter whether the two people love each other, or plan on marrying, until God has joined them, that bond is not present. In some of the Eastern Catholic marriage rites, the bride and groom are presented to each other as each other's crosses by which they will get to Heaven. This is not a put down; we all know that marriage does not come without its sorrows and difficult times. The covenantal bond, and the renewal of that covenant in the marital embrace are what provide the grace to get through these difficult times.
How does contraception fit in? Well contraception is a refusal to give all unto sacrifice. It basically says, "I want the pleasure with none of the commitment, none of the pain." It is a naturally human feeling to be afraid of sacrificing. I cannot say that I am sitting here just jumping at the bit to go through morning sickness, watch my house fall to bits, and deal with the general chaos which come with pregnancy. But I'm either going to give my husband my ALL, or I'm going to wait until I can do that. Contraception, it could be said, could be akin to Jesus calling it quits right at the height of his popularity as He rode into Jerusalem to shouts of "Hosanna!" I'm sure that was a nice feeling for him, to feel the love from others. His love, however, was a different kind of love, one that did not end at the prospect of pain, suffering, and death. Jesus' love brought Him to Calvary, to suffer and die, and then back to each and every one of us who will come to Him in the Eucharist to receive Him. How beautiful that He still makes Himself vulnerable to us so that each and every one of us down through the ages can receive Him just like the apostles did at the Last Supper.
What if you applied contraception to the model of the Holy Trinity? You'd have no Holy Spirit. What if you applied contraception to the institution of the New Covenant? If the body of Christ did not suffer and die, then the body of Christ is not brought forth through the words of the priest and the power of the Holy Spirit for us to receive. This would all make John 6 very difficult to understand, and also Revelation. But fortunately for us, this is not God's way. Just as God does not divorce His people, and so divorce is not permitted to us, He does not withhold even the tiniest drops of His love, not within the Trinity, and not from us, His people, as evidenced in the Crucifixion..and so neither are we permitted to hold back from our spouses, even when it would bring sacrifice. This is love: the selfless pouring out of one to another without counting the cost to self.
So when I'm asked about the poor, and shouldn't they have contraception, I naturally recoil. Jesus had a special love for and affinity with the poor. He told us we'd always have the poor with us. They enable us to become Christ to others. They teach us what is truly important in life, especially when in the midst of their poverty they radiate joy and love. The poor may have few material possessions, but they have large hearts. Don't ask these people to compromise the extent of their ability to give and receive love within their marriages. Let them be generous with each other. Support their covenant of love. Give them tools to understand and work with their fertility so that if they need to postpone pregnancy for a time, or even indefinitely, they can do so without ruining the image of God's love in their love-making. Let them selflessly pour themselves into each other as they renew and strengthen the truest thing they have on this earth, their road to Heaven, their marital bond. For the little they may have, their dignity demands we not strip them of the selfless marital embrace. This will give them the grace they need to endure their hardships with strength.
God has given us periods of fertility and infertility each month for a reason. It is good for our bodies, and it is good for our marriages. Pregnancy is good for our bodies and good for our marriages. We could not have been designed any better. When we are trying to avoid pregnancy, rather than rendering sterile something which would otherwise be fertile and partaking of it in a degraded form, when we abstain during the fertile times, we are still accepting each other in totality, but saying "I accept your fertility and I respect it, so we will not suppress it for the sake of selfish pleasure. We would have to hold back our expressions of love, and therefore render divisive what should be unitive between us." When we contracept, we engage in the bulemia of sexuality. We binge and binge, and then do something very unnatural to reject the consequences of our gluttony. When men see their women as available 100% of the time, they may struggle when she does not wish to engage in relations as much as he does. He may come to resent when she turns his initiations to intimacy down, and take it personally, when it is not personal at all. Conversely, when the woman feels she has to be available all the time, she may give of herself more out of obligation to satisfy her husband's needs than out of a desire to give herself totally and receive the person of her husband, and the depths of the intimate union that entails. The union of man and woman is shortchanged, the spark that is the possibility of new life--even if a lower possibility due to a perceived time of infertility--is extinguished. Many couples experience the deterioration of their marriages when they contracept for long periods of time, or even worse, sterilize themselves. They do not know why, but if I had to guess, I would say that it has to do with the selfishness that gradually creeps into the marital embrace which renders it dull, and eventually dead. To those who know contraception is a mortal sin--one which cuts you off from the grace of God and extinguishes the life of God in your soul (until you receive forgiveness through Jesus Christ through the ministry of the priesthood)--they may not understand that their sexual unions no longer are providing grace to their marriages. You maybe cannot touch grace with your hands, but when the grace is gone, you know it. I don't see the oxygen I breathe, but I'd know pretty quickly if it were gone. I cannot see my husband's love for me, but I would know if it were gone. So mirroring the love of the Trinity, and the love of Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom, for the Church, His Bride, we are called as spouses to keep our lovemaking open to receiving children. Even if we think we are infertile, God still has the power to open the womb. Our openness to this, and trust in His plan for us is paramount. Otherwise, when we take that pill, insert the IUD, or place the condom on, we are essentially shutting God out of the renewal of our marital covenant--the one we contracted with Him, for a marriage is really between three: man, woman, and God. We're saying, "Your kind of love is good for you, but we're not interested in loving as You do. It hurts too much." A slap in the face of the God who loved us so much He sent His Son to die on the cross for us. Could it hurt more than the Crucifixion did? "But God can get around a condom, IUD, pill, etc." Sure He can. But remember the stern warning of Our Lord, "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test." Do not play that game with God, and do not make presumptions on His making an exception in "your situation." He made no exception for His Son.
All this established, let it be known that Catholics are not prudes. We are a sensual bunch of people--we love sights, sounds, smells, tastes, etc. We are not afraid of our sexuality. We embrace it! It is good! You should hear Pope John Paul II discuss it, encouraging men to be sure their wives are receiving pleasure in their coming together. I have even heard it stated that the sexual climax is about the closest that we can come to the experience of the ecstasy of being one with God. It is no wonder we have a sex addiction problem in our society. We have a bunch of poor souls who don't have a correct understanding of the God who loves them so very much.
One last word, before I end this, to those Catholics who may be reading this and are using contraception. Now that you understand why contraception is such an affront to the love of God, and an insult to not only your spouse, but your marriage, the next time you go to Holy Mass, please refrain from receiving Holy Communion in a state of mortal sin, unless you have gone to confession and received absolution with the intent to never commit the sin of contraception again. Remember what Holy Communion is. Remember what contraception says. Do not receive the totality of Him who gave His All for you if you are not prepared to in turn do the same for your spouse, to "Love one another, as I have loved you."
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