Snapshot at Night

Noise maker whooshing.
Hubby snoring...until the little girls on the other side of the wall wake him up. If I yelled to them that would wake him up...but I cannot get up because...
Nursing baby making little snorty noises in my lap and falling asleep as I type this.
His big brother asleep between mommy and daddy, but facing in the opposite direction.
One big sister baking the most amazing smelling pumpkin spice cookies for her friend's party tomorrow.
Another big sister probably off playing on her Nook; haven't seen her since we got home.
Littles woke up Daddy.
Big brothers presumably in bed.
Presumably.
Snort. Snort. Latch. Fall asleep. Unlatch. Snort. Latch...
What is that noise, and who is playing with it? Sounds like a tape measure.
Pretty sleeping baby by the light of the laptop, with perfect warm baby breath. I love this kid.
Still that noise. Can't call down because one of the cordless phones is in here and will ring.
Cabinet door closed.
Whoosh.
Closing my eyes, remembering the dream I had last night. It was weird. Expensive plants...placentas...a placenta cake...we'll just stop at that one.
Chapel in just over 7 hours.
Hubby snoring again.
Off to put baby down and transfer big brother to our couch.
Wish me luck.
Whoosh, snore, unidentified noise, cabinet....

Transfigured

"Lord, it is good for us to be here."

Happy Feast of the Transfiguration! (over 23 hours into this Feast, mind you...) I love this day, for many reasons, and now I just have one more.

We have been acknowledging for several months now that it's time to resume going to weekly Eucharistic Adoration. I would say that we had been talking about it, but when the conversation usually goes like this:

Me: "You know, we really should get back to Adoration..."
Him: "Yeah."
*silence*

then you really can't say you've been "talking about it." Until very recently. I've learned to ask some further questions, like, "Do you think one hour to share? Or one each? When are you thinking of?" and then we actually make some progress!

So as it turns out, to bolster our conversation, what did they have at the back of the narthex after Mass yesterday? The sign-up table for the Perpetual Adoration Chapel. I could not believe the number of days highlighted with needs. It was reminiscent of the first time we signed up for adoration. There were so many available dates that we took three. We kept them for years, 2-3a Saturday, 11-12a Saturday, and 4-5a Monday. Then we had a little bit of shuffling with my day...dropping Saturday, trying I think, Wednesday, and settling on Friday evening from 8-9p for I think 5-6 years. Kermit dropped an hour, then I think changed for a little while, but it didn't work out and he dropped altogether, except for when he'd be going for me, sometimes over swaths of time where I was pregnant, early postpartum, etc. Then came Gilbert's pregnancy.

We found out about Gilbert on the Feast of the Transfiguration. Kermit's schedule became absolutely insane during the pregnancy and for nearly two solid months I could not make it to adoration. He wasn't home, and I couldn't get a pregnant me and seven children to adoration. I couldn't continue calling on the substitutes; the hour had to go. I went on hiatus, intending to resume it, but never could.

It's been about 20 months since we've had an adoration hour, the only break we have had since early 2000. We needed to do it, but I cannot say we have not experienced the spiritual side effects of it. It's been tough, to say the least.

Today all of that changed. Gil is older, and I can sneak off without him. I am not physically in need of extra hands in the evening (mentally?...that's another story!), so Kermit can afford to take some time out. We sat with the bulletin this morning, and looked at all the available hours that needed a primary adorer, and pinpointed one for each of us. Made that phone call, and left a message that we wanted to sign up, and then not long after I noticed the words:

"Lord, it is good for us to be here."

And I stopped in my tracks. These are the first words I said for all those years as soon as I got on my knees in Our Lord's Presence.

"Lord, it is good for me to be here."

How fitting that today was the day we returned to Eucharistic Adoration. May Jesus Christ continue to transfigure our lives and our very selves into His Life and His Self.

God Bless You

Torrents, Cups and Knowledge of God, i.e. Rambles Extraordinaire

I was reading my six year old a book this week when a familiar analogy was made. It is said that when we go to Heaven, that we are all perfectly happy. No two people, however, will have the same degree of happiness. So Therese asks how this can be that everyone is equally happy in Heaven when some people are clearly holier or better than others. Her sister tells her to get two cups, a small one and a large one. They fill both of the cups, and then the analogy is made that each of the cups was full to the brim, as we will be with love, happiness, God, in Heaven. The difference is our capacity to hold more or less of God, and it only makes sense that the more we love God and give of ourselves to Him, the more He can fill us with Himself. I forget who it was this week--I think the guest on The Journey Home--who said it isn't how much of the Holy Spirit you have which determines your experience of living out your faith, but how much of YOU the Holy Spirit has. I love that. So it's really been hammered home this week that our spiritual fulfillment and happiness are completely dependent upon what we give of ourselves. I know a dear soul who has left the Faith, and still has fond memories of it, but speaks mainly of his "experiences," as if the worth of one's Faith can only be summed up by the experiences said faith can offer him. I attempted to explain that we shortchange ourselves when we just look for "an experience" out of the practice of our faith. What God really is offering us isn't just an experience, but a person, Himself. This is the radicalness of the Gospel, as explained by Pope Benedict in his first _Jesus of Nazareth_ book. He wants a living relationship with each one of us. Do you have any relationships in your life? A parent, a sibling, a child, a friend? Then you know very well that in order for that relationship to thrive, you must give of yourself without counting the cost. Why would it be any less with Almighty God? And think of how much greater the return on our efforts would be in our relationship with God as opposed to our relationships with mankind. I wish all the best and happiness to those with whom I am blessed to share a relationship, but I don't necessarily have what it takes to give them what I would wish them to have. But God does.

So we know that we are here to know God, love God, and serve Him in this life so as to be happy with Him in the next. But as Father John Riccardo states, our "goal" is not "to not go to hell." Our goal is to seek holiness, a complete transformation of our being, to become more like the one in whose image and likeness we are made. If one actually becomes "holy" in this life, it is solely because he or she has given himself/herself to God so completely as to be able to receive such a gift. I imagine that takes a pretty amazing emptying of self.

All of this to come around to my dilemma. I want the big cup. I suspect I might be about, oh, the indent of a pin-prick...but I want the big cup. What do I need to do? I need to love God more, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. How do you love somebody you do not know?Do I know God? Well. I'm working on that, and yes I have certainly had some profound "experiences" of God in prayer, but sometimes I feel I do not know Him. Then I get scared, because usually when you do not know somebody, there's a chance they also do not know you, and that frightful passage from Matthew 7:21-23 comes to me:

"Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name? Then I will declare to them solemnly, 'I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.' (How can anyone cling to "Once saved always saved" after reading this passage?)

"I never knew you." Yes, dear reader, those are the words which terrify my heart. Frequently. Yes, I know the passage which follows this, and building the house on the rock, and the analogies to the Church, built upon the Rock, Cephas, Peter... But He says, that everyone who hears his words and acts on them is like the wise man whose house doesn't collapse. I feel I so frequently hear Him, know His will for me just simply through the circumstances of my daily life, but I run. I just refuse so many times to pick up my cross. I look at my dearest friends, every single one of them with unbelievable crosses, and they are carrying them, and I'm running scared from a mere splinter of mine. My friends are walking in His sandals, they are *knowing Him* and I...am watching. (I can just hear Jesus saying, "Are you *asking* me for a tremendous cross?" LOL! NO!)

So I crave holiness, but I run scared from the simple crosses of everyday life. I procrastinate. I feel overwhelmed and let it get the better of me. I want the big cup, but I can only get the big cup if I love the Lord enough. I cannot love somebody I do not know. I do not know Him nearly as much as I should, and the many little chances I get to do this each day I do not take advantage of. Throw in that I know I need to spend time reading the scriptures if I wish to have even an elementary knowledge of who God is. Who am I kidding? Eight kids, 15 and under? I need *time* to do that properly. I'm craving time to sit and read my Bible. I now have a portable one, with a portable Catechism and I toss them in my little bag with my Pauline prayerbook so I can keep the meat and potatoes of my faith together and available for if I ever get a break and a chance to read.

I guess where I'm going is that if 15 years of living my vocation as a mother hasn't helped me arrive at a knowledge of God that I'm somewhat comfortable with, then clearly I need more...something. I'm thinking it's spiritual reading and meditation time. If only I could meditate (and read most times) without falling asleep. When I do read I'm "in one ear and out the other" so to speak. Years of splitting my attention in so many directions has virtually annihilated my ability to be focused inwardly. I just "read...yep...check...next!" and move on. I feel as if I'm between a rock and a hard place, and I can really only continue to pray and assure the Lord of my love for Him, and keep trying to pick my crosses up out of love for Him. I think Therese knew she had the big cup. I cannot imagine how anyone could have the big cup and not know it. How do you not know when torrents of God are flooding your soul? So when I say "indent of a pin prick" I mean it, and I don't feel it getting any larger.

This isn't the Little Way I was thinking of! I want the Little Way with the Big Cup! I don't want to feel as if I'm missing something REALLY big and important, and that when I get "there" I'm going to hear, "Who are you? I don't know you.."

So I would tie it together amazingly and profoundly (not really but you go on thinking that) but motherhood is relentless today (what's new?) and I must sacrifice profundity for cuddles.

God bless you.

A Letter to My Two Guests

Dear Ida Wanna and Ida Feelikit,

You are free to leave anytime you like. You've been hanging around here for days creating nothing but trouble. If I can say anything positive about the last few days it's that if I did anything at all it was only for Jesus because you ladies have made getting anything done very difficult. May my dear Guardian Angel make your stay so hellacious that you leave. And soon.

Not Yours, Ever,
Me

All for You, Jesus, all for You, because goodness knows I don't want to.

Clean Your Room!

Me, frustrated with Kiddies: "You know my goal for you was to have this week free except for a couple of minor chores but you have refused to clean your rooms and so you are spending day after day not free, but with this never-ending drudgery!"

Then I realized...this is how God must feel when we don't go to confession. He has so much grace available to us to make our lives much freer, and yet we refuse to "clean our rooms" and make our day-to-day living so difficult as a result. It doesn't have to be so hard. Go to Confession.

Then Act Like It

It was a good Lent this year. For once, I can honestly say I am leaving this season behind in a better spiritual state than when it began, but this is not a boast. I am better off because I have a better understanding of my spiritual poverty. That is only a gift God can bestow, and I believe the soul has to be open to receiving such insight. It's much easier to hang onto a belief that we're doing fine spiritually, that we are giving all we can to the Lord, even where there is a tiny voice deep down that says, "This is good, but I have better in mind." "But Lord, if this is good, and I like it, why can't I stay here?" "Because I have called you." "Oh. I see."

He called me years ago when I was freshly returned to my Catholic faith. I didn't know to where, but I knew I was being called to a greater commitment beyond that of my Baptism and Confirmation. I looked into the Benedictine Oblates. Fr. Kelly, may his soul rest in peace, knew that wouldn't
be a good fit for me. He told me to look into the Third Order Discalced Carmelites, which meets at our parish. In about five or six years, I could make promises of chastity and obedience, and have the option of making a further vow but I forget the specifics of the vow--whether it was public, private, etc. I won't get into specifics, but five years later, in 2006, the Carmelite thing was over. It died a long, slow death. I still have an intense fondness for the Carmelite saints and Carmelite spirituality, especially their charism of contemplative prayer, but I am not called there.

The Lord calls me in ways that are hard to discern and easy to brush off. Early into the Carmelite stint, I was approached at daily Mass by a dear lady who gave me a holy card on which was information about something called the Holy Family Institute. I was fully engaged with the Carmelites, though, and said that I couldn't do both. I kept that card, though, for years, but didn't look into the Holy Family Institute.

After Carmel, I was spiritually burned and just drifting aimlessly. Oh I was still fervently in love with and never doubting of the Catholic faith, but I didn't want another failed start in a church organization. Going at it alone would likely be unproductive. I'd either be too hard on myself/expect too much, and the lack of accountability and spiritual direction would be detrimental. I remembered the card Renee gave me. I looked up the HFI online. A member of the Pauline family (I love the Daughters of St. Paul, and their bookstores are heavenly)... Media apostolate... For married couples... Church regulated vows of poverty, chastity and obedience (with a promise of fidelity to the Pope!)-- this was even more than I could have within the Carmelites. I was hopeful.

I contacted them, and got started with the daily prayers. For months, I struggled, amidst the chaos that erupted in our lives, to keep up with what was required of me as a postulant. It really came to a head when I was very gently advised that no matter how long my postulancy would last, I could go no further within the Institute if I didn't prioritize it and meet my spiritual obligations. This was in February. I had good news for Fr. Tom in March, and he was pleased. Lent was upon us and I already knew my Lent would be spent integrating the HFI spirituality into my daily routine.

For once in my life, I did not go backwards during Lent, and by the time I got to Holy Thursday, I was primed for a reflective and meaningful Easter Triduum. For those who aren't familiar with the Triduum, it begins at Holy Thursday Mass, continues at the Good Friday service, and ends after the Easter Vigil Mass on Saturday night. Not only was I determined to take part in whatever I could this year, but I wanted my oldest three children to have this experience also. They absolutely enjoyed it. Praise God!

Thursday was a beautiful service. Watching our pastor, Fr. Krempa, washing the feet of twelve parish men brought tears to my eyes. We stayed after Mass to watch them strip the church for Good Friday, and I really felt immersed in the whole spirit of the reality of what we were commemorating. Good Friday came. I was elated, for that is my favorite service of the year (although after having seen the Easter Vigil I do think there is a tie!!).

I can't really pinpoint what prompted it, or when exactly it happened, but it became apparent to me that the Lord was drawing a line in the sand for me. I really did feel called to be consecrated to the Lord under vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I really did feel an affinity with the Pauline Order and their media apostolate, for many reasons. And yet, I had gotten myself into a routine of spending more time speaking of the Lord to others and less time actually speaking TO Him. Was I living my every moment for Him? To the best of my ability. Was I prayerfully offering my days to Him? Oh yes. Was there really anything I did that wasn't driven by my faith in and love for the Lord? Not a whole lot...but still, I was speaking to others and not enough to Him. I was distracting myself in many ways, doing things which were "good" but not focusing on the "better" to which I was being called. I was either going to continue to spin my spiritual wheels and never move forward with this call, or I was going to have to get serious. The Lord finally called me out on being a Wannabe.

"I have called you. Do you want this?"
"Yes! Yes, Lord!"
"Then act like it."
SMACK. *ouch*
"Yes...yes, Lord."

As I approached the crucifix for veneration on Good Friday evening, I told Him that when I kissed the crucifix, I would be leaving there at his feet everything which came between me and my calling towards a vowed, consecrated life in the Holy Family Institute. I begged that He, in the Holy Communion I would receive shortly thereafter, and on Easter Vigil, would give me the grace and strength to carry through on this promise.

And so here we are. This Easter I celebrated the new life of the Risen Jesus. I also celebrated my own new life, one I have dreamed of for many years. I long for the day when I will not only be under my marriage vows, but will be under the evangelical vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. I have been under private vows of chastity and obedience, received by Fr. Kelly in 2005, but when I have completed this path, my vows will no longer be private, but public.

What does this mean? Primarily, this means that for those with whom I am in contact via Facebook, you won't be hearing as much from me throughout the day (is that a sigh of relief I heard?). I simply love communicating with others just a bit too much. However I am not only easily distracted by Facebook; I am easily disturbed and thrown off-center by some of the things I read. Mind you, these aren't faith-shaking things, just disturbing reminders of how far off-kilter and how far from reality we are becoming as a culture. Knowing I am sending eight children off into this increasingly anti-Christian culture does upset me, but I've no doubt they will leave this house prepared. Perfect? Of course not. But they will have a firm foundation to fall back on.

I realize that no amount of evangelizing is going to persuade people who really just need prayer. No amount of evangelizing is going to make up for my lack of prayer. Evangelizing and trying to spread truth are good things, but there is better. Our Lord, the Apostles, when they would go and preach the Gospel in an area, they would do so for a time, and then move on. I'd been fighting that nagging feeling, but it was time to confront it. Most people give up something for Lent. I was sort of giving up something for Easter, but it had to happen in order for me to respond to the Lord. I answer to nobody but Him.

I couldn't just leave for good, though. It is my primary mode of keeping up with many people I care about, and I do care, very much. I thought, "Maybe I shouldn't say anything. It's going to look like I'm saying, 'Well I'm just too holy for you guys! SEE YA!'" but for those who truly know me, you know I'm not like that. No, in all reality I am so "unholy" that I have to step back from all that so easily takes my focus off of what I feel is a strong call to more prayer and a burning desire to immerse myself in the scriptures and all things Pauline. Some people can handle it all, keep perspective, and have no problem Not I. Frankly, with eight children, homeschooling, and the doula/placenta jobs, something has to take a back seat. Yarncrafting isn't it (although for the amount I have picked it up in the last year you'd think so!).

So I'm still here, but not nearly as much. I am getting much practice in "X-ing" out my Facebook window when I have about five more things I wanted to look at or share. I know sometimes I will see the "irresistable" share. I know sometimes I'll go over the minute or two I allow myself to check, and I pray I will never spend that time in vain. I am returning to this blog now, because sometimes I do have things I would love to share, but even that must be kept in moderation.

In my most recent note from Father Tom, it was alluded to that Kermit and I will be admitted to the Novitiate of the Holy Family Institute at their three-day retreat (they call it their "Triduum"!) in September. I'm in about as much disbelief at that as I was at catching a baby on Monday!

If there is any intention I can pray for for you, even if you do not elaborate and just say "special intention", do let me know. I keep a book of intentions and will pray for them. If there is anything you definitely want me to see or know, private message me. It will show up as a notification on my phone and I'll see it right away. I will not necessarily see things on my wall anytime soon after you post it! That's all for now. Pray for me, and I will pray for you.

Yours in the Risen Christ,
The Holy Wannabe

PS. The official definition of the HFI is as follows:

"The Holy Family Institute

A Religious Institute made up of married or widowed people which is 'aggregated' to, or is a branch of, a larger Religious Family, the 'Pauline Family'. Its members make Church-sanctioned religious vows, as in Secular Institutes, adapted according to the conditions of the married state and the normal requirements of family life.

Membership in the Holy Family Institute is open to any Catholic husband and wife who lead normal lives and observe the teaching of the Church in their marriages. There is no upper age limit or special educational requirements. Widows, widowers and childless couples are also eligible."

To learn more, visit: http://www.vocations-holyfamily.com/join.html

Submit Part II: You Accept Our Money, You Play By Our Rules

"But the Church accepts federal money, so they need to play by federal rules!"

Not necessarily. My response, and then a little more following:
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As a blanket statement, accepting federal money does not mean you forfeit your constitutional rights. For instance, in Louisiana, when the Federal Government tried to force the state to raise the legal drinking age from 18 to 21 on the premise that the state was receiving federal funds for highways, the courts ruled that Louisiana did not have to comply with this federal regulation even though they were receiving federal money.

So the question is, can the federal government override constitutionally protected rights by giving of their money? I'm going to bet no. This mandate does not even exclude organizations which don't accept federal money; it's a red herring argument.
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If this is the game that the federal government is going to play, then the Catholic Church and its organizations need to tell the federal government, "To hell with your money," just as they have told us, "To hell with your beliefs and rights." If the bishops have said that they'd go to jail before complying with this unjust mandate, I'm pretty sure they'll be happy to tell the feds where they can put their money.

This needs to get to the Supreme Court. It doesn't have a leg to stand on. And no, I'm no lawyer. But I know a great one. Thanks, Amazing Advocate!

Submit, Woman! Submit!

To paraphrase the lady responding to an article which talks about all kinds of insurance coverage for sexually-natured surgeries for men, but when a woman wants the birth control pill all she gets is an aspirin..."But but but...the bible said women must submit to men, and you know, bear children until they die or whatever...how DARE we go against someone's God with our godless feminist ideals./sarcasm"

And so, of course, because I have not yet reached that degree of holiness where I feel blessed when others misrepresent, calumniate and lie about my faith, I was compelled to respond. I thought it was worth sharing, as I've just heard this portion of St. Paul's teachings twisted way too many times. I am sure you will be pleased with the lack of elaboration, as you know I do get...attack of the diarrhea hands.
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Actually X, the Bible goes beyond telling women to submit to their husbands, and tells men to love their wives like Christ loved the Church. Christ died for the Church. So it calls women to submit to a love that is patient, kind, not boastful, not envious, not arrogant, etc... and for men to die for their wives. Twisting scripture to make your case doesn't help it.

Godless feminists are certainly free to have ideals which go against someone else's God. They are not free, however, to ask the adherents of that God to go against their consciences and subsidize their ideals. The first amendment to the constitution is not disposable when it might impact your sex life if you work for a Catholic.

The coverage for mens' sexual surgeries is ludicrous. You know, when they were developing the pill way back when, it was originally designed for men. One or two men showed some testicular enlargement so they quit doing trials on men and started doing them on women instead. In the early runs, three women died. They adjusted the dosage. Sounds pretty anti-woman down to the roots to me. It's easy to demonize the other side as being anti-woman, but it's a baseless accusation. Catholicism reveres and respects women, and views their bodies as sacred. To suggest otherwise reveals that you have never actually gone to the Church's words to see what they teach about women.
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Hopefully this will at least clear up any ideas that women are somehow to be unjustly subjugated to power-hungry spouses, no matter what. If we loved as we ought to love, then nobody would take this scripture and misinterpret it, either in the case of the man who happens to be a tyrannical husband or in the case of the feminist who is trying to make Christianity--especially Catholicism--look anti-woman. Sorry folks, that anti-woman sentiment just is not there, not in the clergy, not in the religious, not in the laity.

The Wham Bam Thank You Maam Introduction to Catholic Sexual Thought

"The 'great mystery,' which is the Church and humanity in Christ, does not exist apart from the 'great mystery' expressed in the 'one flesh'...reality of marriage and the family." ~Pope John Paul II

For the record, my quotes are going to come from Christopher West's _Good News About Sex and Marriage_, although if I had to recommend a book to read on the issue, it would probably be Kimberly Hahn's _Life Giving Love_. I lent out my copy, and I think they might have liked it because I told them to send it back if they didn't. Awesome!

In my previous post, I talked a lot about sex being an act by which two people engage in self- donation, the giving of their entire selves to one another, without reserve. This is clearly not the culture's view of what sex is. Today, sex is a recreational activity. I'm going to play tennis, I'm going to a movie, I'm going to get laid. Just do it! Where does this idea of sex as self-donation come from, and why do we insist upon each intimate embrace between a man and woman being such an intense experience, one that could change their lives forever?

If you're an atheist, you may wish to hang it up now, unless you care to go on a quest to understand the existence of God and why God is a Trinity of three Divine Persons sharing one Divine nature. Goodness knows there is no shortage of writing upon this and people willing to answer questions. But I will start from the presupposition that God exists, and is a Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

One of the opening paragraphs in West's book reads:
"'Love one another as I have loved you,' (Jn 15:12). These words of Christ sum up the meaning of life *and* the meaning of human sexuality. At its core, sexual morality is about expressing God's love through our bodies. This is why Pope John Paull II can say that if we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfill the very meaning of our being and existence." (West, p.17) He goes on to discuss that the opposite is true, that if we disregard the truth of our sexuality, then we miss the meaning of life altogether, and as such true happiness and joy will elude us. He says, "Disputes about sexual morality, then, are not merely about differing ethical perspectives, different interpretations of Scripture, or Church authority versus personal conscience. No, they go much deeper than that. At their root, disputes about sexual morality are disputes about the very meaning of life." This is very important to understand, and provides a key as to why Catholics are, as people say, "So hung up on sex." (West, p.18) A little more...
"When we search out the true meaning of sexuality, we touch on the core of our being as men and women. We encounter our deepest longings and aspirations and, at the same time, our deepest fears, wounds, selfishness, and sins. Here lies the challenge: we must face the reality of our humanity--the good and the bad--if we are to discover the truth about our sexuality. Inevitably this leads us to the cross. For it is Christ who, by showing us the truth about love, shows us the meaning of life."(West, p.17) So this is important to know, and it is real. It does not ignore that we are fallen beings with disordered wills and inclinations. We do not have to be perfect angels to fit into this paradigm. It will require struggle--the cross--but in the end it will bring life and redemption.
So we start with God. Genesis. Creation and a marriage. The Bible ends with Revelation, and a wedding, the wedding feast of The Lamb and His Bride, which we know is Christ and the Church. Sandwiched in between these two books is a love story with the theme of God's love for His people being as the love of a husband for his wife. Marriage and relationships form the underlying theme of most of the books. I am sure I do not have to give you example upon example, but I will point out the books of Song of Songs and Tobit, the former with its poetry of lovers and seduction and the latter with its emphasis upon the marital bed not being a place of unbridled lust, but a sanctified altar upon which a sacrificial coming together of man and wife occurs, not without risk to those who undertake that coming together with the wrong intentions! So you have God and His people, the Jews. He binds Himself to them through covenants, and no matter the extent of their faithfulness-sometimes it was quite poor- He always remained faithful. God formed a covenental union with His people and divorce was not an option. Then, as today, God's people were hard-hearted and it took a long time to prepare them for the coming of the Messiah. Christ did, come, though, the embodiment of the love of husband for bride. The New Covenant was going to be sealed with the sacrificial blood of God Himself. So, West says, "applying this analogy, we can say that God's plan from all eternity is to 'marry' us (see Hos 2:19). " (West, p.19) This plan was so important that God stamped it right onto our very beings so we wouldn't miss it. Our very existence, the meaning of our lives, who we are, who God is, how we are to live, all of these things are found in the truth and meaning of human sexuality and marriage. Now we're getting to the incredible stuff.
So God wants to "marry" us. Before He did this, before there even was an "us," there was God. John says that God is love, but it goes much deeper than this. God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Read that again. God is a...family! He not only is "a" family, but He IS family. Our families are but mere images of the family that IS God. God is "a life-giving Communion of Persons." The Father pours Himself out, makes a gift of Himself in perfect love, to the Son, who is the "beloved" of the Father (Mt 3:17). The Son receives this outpouring of love from the Father, and returns the Father's self donation with His own. So the Father perfectly, eternally gives His entirety to the Son, and the Son back to the Father. That perfect love is "so real, so profound, that this love *is* another eternal Person--the Holy Spirit.
Let's go even further. The Son comes down, sent from the Father to make the marriage covenant with the people. Jesus comes. He fulfills the Father's Will perfectly. He gives Himself entirely to and for His people, past, present and future. He seals this New Covenant in His Blood, the infinitely perfect sacrifice of the New Adam making reparation for the infinitely offensive rebellion of the first Adam. So He gives Himself, and then it's all done? Well, yes...and no. Our redemption is complete, and now it is left to us to participate in this. How do we participate in Calvary? We participate in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, which places us mystically at the crucifixion, and at which we do what the Father commanded His children to do with the Sacrificial Lamb, what Jesus, the Lamb of God, told us to do: We eat the body and drink the blood of Jesus Christ. We "communicate". We "receive Holy Communion." We take Jesus Christ into our bodies, body, blood, soul and divinity. We participate in our redemption by participating in the renewal of that Covenant that has taken place since the first days of Christianity, in which Christ is made present, under the form of bread and wine, offered to the Father (He is not sacrificed over and over; He is re-presented to the Father, for all those present. The one sacrifice is sufficient, and re-entered into, and re-presented to the Father), and then here's the kicker: this marital covenant, the new covenant, is consummated in the receiving of Jesus Christ into our bodies, our offering the totality of our beings to Him at this time, and from this communion of God and man springs forth life: spiritual life. He said in John 6 that whoever eats His Body and drinks His Blood lives in Him and He lives in us and He will raise us up on the last day. This is a mystery, a spiritual reality that we do not see or completely understand, but a reality nonetheless. Read the book of Revelation. Read about the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. It is the Mass. It is what we do every Sunday, and some of us every day. For a much greater exposition of this teaching, read Scott Hahn's _The Lamb's Supper_. But why am I talking about Mass and Holy Communion when I should be talking about sex?
As men and women made in the image and likeness of God, what does this mean for us? Well for one, as images of God, we need to mirror in our own lives the love of the Trinity. Our families on earth are but reflections of the Family that is God. We have both the model of the Father pouring Himself into the Son and vice versa, creating the Person that is the Holy Spirit, and we also have the model of Jesus Christ saying, "This is my body, given for you. This is my blood, poured out for the covenant," and then the reception of Jesus Himself into our bodies in this form to seal this marital covenant and bring forth the life that springs from this unbridled, liberal, selfless giving of the totality of persons to each other. These are not just "models," however. These are guides, directions by example of how we are to love each other in our families.
Husband and wife are called to submit to each other, in love and respect, and give of themselves sacrificially, saying to each other, "This is my body, this is my blood, shed for you." As the woman gives her body and blood in the sexual act and the bringing forth of a child, the husband gives his body and then blood in the efforts to support his family. Admittedly, it used to be a little more bloody for the guys than it is now. We are to love each other as Christ loved us, with our totality, unto sacrifice. He gave it all for us, and we are called to give it all for Him. In our marriages, this means we do not conracept. I speak about this in the context of marriage because it is the only context in which the sexual union--the renewal of the marital covenant which unites the spouses and from which new life springs--can licitly take place. The sexual act is a consummation and renewal of a covenant. (Holy Communion is also a consummation and renewal of a covenant. We should, of course, not over-sexualize the Mass, but these are Truths that cannot be denied and which help us place our sexuality into perspective.) To have sex outside marriage is to say a bond exists which does not yet exist, no matter whether the two people love each other, or plan on marrying, until God has joined them, that bond is not present. In some of the Eastern Catholic marriage rites, the bride and groom are presented to each other as each other's crosses by which they will get to Heaven. This is not a put down; we all know that marriage does not come without its sorrows and difficult times. The covenantal bond, and the renewal of that covenant in the marital embrace are what provide the grace to get through these difficult times.
How does contraception fit in? Well contraception is a refusal to give all unto sacrifice. It basically says, "I want the pleasure with none of the commitment, none of the pain." It is a naturally human feeling to be afraid of sacrificing. I cannot say that I am sitting here just jumping at the bit to go through morning sickness, watch my house fall to bits, and deal with the general chaos which come with pregnancy. But I'm either going to give my husband my ALL, or I'm going to wait until I can do that. Contraception, it could be said, could be akin to Jesus calling it quits right at the height of his popularity as He rode into Jerusalem to shouts of "Hosanna!" I'm sure that was a nice feeling for him, to feel the love from others. His love, however, was a different kind of love, one that did not end at the prospect of pain, suffering, and death. Jesus' love brought Him to Calvary, to suffer and die, and then back to each and every one of us who will come to Him in the Eucharist to receive Him. How beautiful that He still makes Himself vulnerable to us so that each and every one of us down through the ages can receive Him just like the apostles did at the Last Supper.

What if you applied contraception to the model of the Holy Trinity? You'd have no Holy Spirit. What if you applied contraception to the institution of the New Covenant? If the body of Christ did not suffer and die, then the body of Christ is not brought forth through the words of the priest and the power of the Holy Spirit for us to receive. This would all make John 6 very difficult to understand, and also Revelation. But fortunately for us, this is not God's way. Just as God does not divorce His people, and so divorce is not permitted to us, He does not withhold even the tiniest drops of His love, not within the Trinity, and not from us, His people, as evidenced in the Crucifixion..and so neither are we permitted to hold back from our spouses, even when it would bring sacrifice. This is love: the selfless pouring out of one to another without counting the cost to self.
So when I'm asked about the poor, and shouldn't they have contraception, I naturally recoil. Jesus had a special love for and affinity with the poor. He told us we'd always have the poor with us. They enable us to become Christ to others. They teach us what is truly important in life, especially when in the midst of their poverty they radiate joy and love. The poor may have few material possessions, but they have large hearts. Don't ask these people to compromise the extent of their ability to give and receive love within their marriages. Let them be generous with each other. Support their covenant of love. Give them tools to understand and work with their fertility so that if they need to postpone pregnancy for a time, or even indefinitely, they can do so without ruining the image of God's love in their love-making. Let them selflessly pour themselves into each other as they renew and strengthen the truest thing they have on this earth, their road to Heaven, their marital bond. For the little they may have, their dignity demands we not strip them of the selfless marital embrace. This will give them the grace they need to endure their hardships with strength.
God has given us periods of fertility and infertility each month for a reason. It is good for our bodies, and it is good for our marriages. Pregnancy is good for our bodies and good for our marriages. We could not have been designed any better. When we are trying to avoid pregnancy, rather than rendering sterile something which would otherwise be fertile and partaking of it in a degraded form, when we abstain during the fertile times, we are still accepting each other in totality, but saying "I accept your fertility and I respect it, so we will not suppress it for the sake of selfish pleasure. We would have to hold back our expressions of love, and therefore render divisive what should be unitive between us." When we contracept, we engage in the bulemia of sexuality. We binge and binge, and then do something very unnatural to reject the consequences of our gluttony. When men see their women as available 100% of the time, they may struggle when she does not wish to engage in relations as much as he does. He may come to resent when she turns his initiations to intimacy down, and take it personally, when it is not personal at all. Conversely, when the woman feels she has to be available all the time, she may give of herself more out of obligation to satisfy her husband's needs than out of a desire to give herself totally and receive the person of her husband, and the depths of the intimate union that entails. The union of man and woman is shortchanged, the spark that is the possibility of new life--even if a lower possibility due to a perceived time of infertility--is extinguished. Many couples experience the deterioration of their marriages when they contracept for long periods of time, or even worse, sterilize themselves. They do not know why, but if I had to guess, I would say that it has to do with the selfishness that gradually creeps into the marital embrace which renders it dull, and eventually dead. To those who know contraception is a mortal sin--one which cuts you off from the grace of God and extinguishes the life of God in your soul (until you receive forgiveness through Jesus Christ through the ministry of the priesthood)--they may not understand that their sexual unions no longer are providing grace to their marriages. You maybe cannot touch grace with your hands, but when the grace is gone, you know it. I don't see the oxygen I breathe, but I'd know pretty quickly if it were gone. I cannot see my husband's love for me, but I would know if it were gone. So mirroring the love of the Trinity, and the love of Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom, for the Church, His Bride, we are called as spouses to keep our lovemaking open to receiving children. Even if we think we are infertile, God still has the power to open the womb. Our openness to this, and trust in His plan for us is paramount. Otherwise, when we take that pill, insert the IUD, or place the condom on, we are essentially shutting God out of the renewal of our marital covenant--the one we contracted with Him, for a marriage is really between three: man, woman, and God. We're saying, "Your kind of love is good for you, but we're not interested in loving as You do. It hurts too much." A slap in the face of the God who loved us so much He sent His Son to die on the cross for us. Could it hurt more than the Crucifixion did? "But God can get around a condom, IUD, pill, etc." Sure He can. But remember the stern warning of Our Lord, "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test." Do not play that game with God, and do not make presumptions on His making an exception in "your situation." He made no exception for His Son.
All this established, let it be known that Catholics are not prudes. We are a sensual bunch of people--we love sights, sounds, smells, tastes, etc. We are not afraid of our sexuality. We embrace it! It is good! You should hear Pope John Paul II discuss it, encouraging men to be sure their wives are receiving pleasure in their coming together. I have even heard it stated that the sexual climax is about the closest that we can come to the experience of the ecstasy of being one with God. It is no wonder we have a sex addiction problem in our society. We have a bunch of poor souls who don't have a correct understanding of the God who loves them so very much.
One last word, before I end this, to those Catholics who may be reading this and are using contraception. Now that you understand why contraception is such an affront to the love of God, and an insult to not only your spouse, but your marriage, the next time you go to Holy Mass, please refrain from receiving Holy Communion in a state of mortal sin, unless you have gone to confession and received absolution with the intent to never commit the sin of contraception again. Remember what Holy Communion is. Remember what contraception says. Do not receive the totality of Him who gave His All for you if you are not prepared to in turn do the same for your spouse, to "Love one another, as I have loved you."

Maybe Not So Insane After All

A video was brought to my attention on Facebook this morning. Here is the link to the video: http://thinkprogress.org/health/2012/02/15/426509/the-five-birth-control/ One might view the statement that the Liberals are trying to get rid of the poor to be insane, but I think if you have an idea about the history of the birth control movement, Margaret Sanger, Planned Parenthood, etc, then that statement does not look so crazy after all.

Now I'm not quite sure where they get that Republicans are wanting the poor to get "rich". That's baloney. The only thing I have seen the Republicans looking out for over the last several years are--the Republicans. And believe you me, I am no Democrat.

However, with all due respect, I think where they're coming from is that if you look at Margaret Sanger, the "mother" of the birth control movement in this country, she had some very harsh views on racial minorities, the poor, the handicapped, etc. She was a eugenicist. She said the purpose of birth control--in her words--was to create a race of thoroughbreds. (for some of Sanger's colorful quotations, see: http://www.dianedew.com/sanger.htm ) Margaret Sanger founded Planned Parenthood, which pretty much targets poor neighborhoods, and poor women, with their poor quality contraception, and then abortions when those fail. This isn't paranoia; it comes straight from ex-PP clinic director Abby Johnson, author of _Unplanned_ who left when she saw that there was no efforts being made to reduce abortions and help women in other ways. On the contrary, one of the straws that broke the camel's back was when the clinics were given a quota of abortion pills to sell monthly, because money was getting tight. Women, especially poor women, deserve better than this. I do not believe that the lady who posted the video, or any of the "liberals" I know are out to exterminate the poor. But I do know the roots of Planned Parenthood ( _Blessed are the Barren: The Social Policy of Planned Parenthood_, by Marshall and Donovan, gives a comprehensive history of and look into the organization.) I am aware of Sanger's feelings towards the disadvantaged--and it appears there are some really powerful people who have not shed these ideas. I was sad to hear the president speaking proudly of the contraception mandate in terms of "This will save us money because children cost more money than contraceptives." That really made me sick to my stomach. You cannot put a price on the worth of a child!

These hormones they are filling these poor womens' bodies with, they are highly carcinogenic. Yes, they may lower the risks of uterine and ovarian cancers, but they dramatically raise the risk of breast cancer, and that is a more common cancer than either uterine or ovarian cancer. To anyone who wants evidence, I recommend the research of Dr. Chris Kahlenborn, who has taken good hard looks at all the available studies, evaluated them, attempted to explain their discrepencies, and shows why the *one* study that people are using to discount the many many more studies that prove this link is a flawed one. So in the name of "saving money," they are promoting the havoc on womens' bodies that is hormonal contraception. There is also the implicit pressure from all around not to have children. I came across an article yesterday that there was a PP clinic who was handing out 2 forms of contraception, unsolicited, even to women who didn't have a need of it, to every woman with an appointment, and then charging the gov't for birth control counseling. If someone handed me a condom, then that would scream one loud message to me: "You don't belong reproducing. You shouldn't have children." Although I am currently avoiding pregnancy, this mere statement would be such a tremendous insult not only to me, but to my husband. The sexual embrace, which in body language says, "I give myself totally to you, and I receive your totality, and this communion of body and soul may be so strong we may have to name it in nine months," should be respected in every marriage, even those of the poor. I am well aware that unmarried men and women have sexual relations--I myself was certainly one of those, and was four months pregnant when we married, poor college students--but I think we'd see a lot less "using" of women if artificial contraception didn't render women perpetually "available." I'd sooner pay for a poor woman's baby before I paid for her hormones, and I'd spend the time and effort empowering her with knowledge of her fertility instead of handing her a condom.

Mother Teresa worked with the poor women in Calcutta. They did a study with these women, and they achieved a success rate of over 98% with the use of Natural Family Planning. Fertility awareness has grown by leaps and bounds since even this study was done. A woman does not even have to take her waking temperatures in the morning to keep track of her fertility. I completely agree that a woman should have the tools to avoid conception if she so wishes. I do not agree that the way to do it is to give them these hormones which will not only raise their risk of cancer,but heart attacks, blood clots, pulmonary embolism, stroke, and so on, and so forth. The future medical care for what these women are doing to themselves is going to be mighty expensive.

Children are always a blessing, whether you're rich, poor, black, white, healthy, ill, etc. With all my heart, I would rather help support a poor family with my money, and spend time helping her learn about her fertility--buy her a fertility monitor even, if she wished--and use my money to support the dignity of that family than to suggest the bill of goods that is usually offered to them these days. Children are the crowning glory of a family, even a poor family. Fertility is not a disease and should not be treated as such.

Which situation do you think affirms a relationship better:

~The one in which the poor couple uses artificial contraception in fear and trembling, only with regards to pleasure (and not even unity), feeling they should not reproduce due to societal attitudes, in which the woman--or man in the case of a vasectomy-- may be undergoing the indignity of health problems related to essentially "breaking" a healthy functioning part of her body, in which many times the only factor considered is the desire of the man, because he may have a greater libido and she is perpetually "available," but many times ends up feeling used and degraded; in which the unplanned child is potentially disposable.

or

~The one in which the poor couple respects their mutual fertility and the integrity of their bodies, neither harming themselves or impairing their natural healthy functions in the efforts to avoid a pregnancy; in which the potential for new life to spring from love is kept alive, and discussed periodically, rather than suppressed and avoided; in which the woman's capacity to bear a child is automatically respected by the man in his self-control, during those times they have chosen to avoid pregnancy; in which a couple who is avoiding pregnancy felt enough support that if they were to find themselves pregnant, they knew things would be alright because those around them recognize and respect the sacredness of the sexual union and the springing forth of a child as a result.

I cannot cover every "but what about" in reference to the poor and contraception. I am fully aware that the vast majority of people see the second situation as somewhat different from the views of "modern" society regarding sexuality. The fact that some people do not act in accord with the human dignity they had at their conceptions does not mean they are not entitled to this same dignity as sexually active adults. The message we need to be getting across is not "We don't want you to reproduce, and we're willing to sacrifice the sacredness of your marriage/sexuality and your bodily integrity to do that," but "You are precious, and your fertility is a gift from which good will spring as a result of the sacred union between you and your spouse. Of course you have much say as to the timing and amount of blessings you receive, but disrespecting your dignity, your body, and your relationship is not an option. You are worth the wait, and worth the effort. Let us teach you how to work with your fertility to both achieve and avoid pregnancy, to help you be healthy and understand how your body normally works."

Yes, I believe all of this, and if that makes me insane, then so be it. I have an intense respect for women, men, and the power of the sexual union to both unite and bring forth new life. Poor women are no less deserving of this than women of better means.

You could say I went on quite a tangent, but really it is all connected. Do I think every "liberal" wants to get rid of the poor? Of course not. I find many of them to be empathetic people who wish to give what they can of their sweat and hard-earned money to help their less fortunate brothers and sisters. Do I think there is a contingent of liberals who still maintain the vision of Margaret Sanger, and wish to see greater population control, especially amongst the poor, or those they'd like to see less of? Absolutely. Our president sees babies as punishments. His science czar John Holdren does not hold back in his admiration of eugenicist Harrison Brown. Cecile Richards, head of Planned Parenthood, sat on the committee which helped the president formulate the now much disputed contraception mandate. You and I, the poor, the majority of those who work at places like Planned Parenthood in the name of helping women--we are all just pawns in a scary game of population control. Because the vast majority of people have lost view of the nature of sexuality--no better than a box of Frosted Flakes these days ("They're GRRREAT!")--then they are content to see happen whatever happens as long as their loins are kept happy. I think that the poor are deserving of having healthy, stable relationships built upon the foundation of mutual respect for each other's bodies, minds, and souls. I don't care how many people "just don't think that way" or "really have no control of themselves" or whatever. You do not abandon the ideal, you do not make the poor settle for less than they deserve because you do not think they can change their behavior, or see things from a different point of view. Human dignity is theirs by right. Let them keep it.

I will end with an amazing quote by G.K. Chesterton:

The Birth-Controller does not bother about all these things, for the perfectly simple reason that it is not such people that he wants to control. What he wants to control is the populace, and he practically says so. He always insists that a workman has no right to have so many children, or that a slum is perilous because it produces so many children. The question he dreads is “Why has not the workman a better wage? Why has not the slum family a better house?” His way of escaping from it is to suggest, not a larger house, but a smaller family. The landlord or the employer says in his hearty and handsome fashion: “You really cannot expect me to deprive myself of my money. But I will make a sacrifice. I will deprive myself of your children.”

Shut Up and Give Me My Wafer.

1 Timothy 3:15 states: "But if I should be delayed, you should know how to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of truth."

Are you getting tired of those whose panties are in a wad about the Catholic Church defending her right not only to not be forced to provide free contraceptives to women, but to simply have a moral code at all? In the last few days I've seen people refer to the Church's stance as "propaganda," "institutionalized dogmatic preaching," and "myopic rhetoric."

News alert: The Church is not a group of people who affirm that I'm OK and you're OK. The Church's primary reason for existence is not to provide you with warm fuzzies and fellowship. The Church is a Divine institution, begun by Jesus Christ, and it is the Mystical Body of Christ, who IS the Way, the TRUTH and the Life. The Mystical Body of Christ can no more cease proclaiming TRUTH than Jesus Christ can cease BEING Truth.

What is the pillar and foundation of Truth? The CHURCH. The mission of the Church, therefore, is the spreading of the Gospel and the keeping of Jesus' command to go out into the world doing the things He commanded be done: baptize, forgive sins, offer the Mass, and so on and so forth. All of the wonderful things the Church does in its corporal and spiritual works of mercy would be NOTHING without the Truth which lies behind those works. You see the works--you need to learn the faith which has prompted us to work in love.

The Church has every right to have a moral code and tell you which actions are moral and which are immoral. How can we know the Truth of which the Church is the pillar and foundation if she does not preach that Truth? It is a hard Truth, no doubt, as even Jesus Himself says that it is very difficult to walk in His ways.

I cannot express my concern enough for those who ignore and write off the Church's teachings in faith and morals as worthless rhetoric and propaganda. Even worse is when those people are self-proclaimed Catholics, or proclaim to follow Christ in any way. Jesus told the adultress: "Go and sin no more." However are we to live this if we have no defined objective moral code?

The Church is doing her duty when she proclaims the sinfulness of contraception and stands up for her right to not be forced to pay for contraceptives for women (this does not include those medications of a contraceptive nature which are prescribed for other reasons). Frankly, she hasn't done it enough over the last couple of generations, and so here we are in 2012 with many Catholics embarrassed (their ignorance shines--the teachings are so beautiful and profound, if they truly understood them they would hold their heads high and shout them from the rooftops) about the Church's stance on birth control, and flinging insults her way to cover up their lack of catechesis on this issue. It is much easier to point the finger at the Church as "out of touch" than it is to admit you know nothing about the Church's rich teachings on sexuality. The only one who is out of touch is the one who hasn't bothered to spend time with the Catechism, Humanae Vitae, The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality, Theology of the Body, and the many other works which treat this subject. They aren't out of touch with society, though; they are out of touch with the Truth and out of touch with Jesus Christ. The Catholic Church's teachings are so taboo today that even a self-proclaimed Catholic who has decided to switch from birth control to Natural Family Planning makes a special effort to let everybody know that she ISN'T doing it "for religious reasons," as if it would be degrading to her to be using NFP for religious reasons and not degrading for any other reason. It's as if she's saying that if she cites her reasons for NFP as being religious in nature (which doesn't necessarily mean being theological, because respect for one's body is also part of religion) then she is telling others that she is submissive to her faith and that she has abandoned her intellect, because only ignorant people would use NFP for religious reasons.

The essence of our faith is the Eucharist, also known as "Communion." It is an expression that we are all One Body, One Faith, One Church, One Baptism. We are all brothers and sisters united by blood, the blood of Christ. To reject the Church's authority as a teaching body places you outside the communion of the Church, and therefore ineligible to participate in the reception of Holy Communion. If you profess to be a member of Christ's Church, you must also accept her place as a teaching authority. You cannot embrace Christ and reject His Mystical Body.

As I stated to someone last night, next time you are at a wedding, go ahead and tell the bridegroom that his bride is ignorant, out of touch with who he is, and uneducated, and that when they have children, they should have no right--and especially her--to tell their children how to conduct themselves while in their house. Tell the bridegroom that his wife needs to shut up, be a good little housewife, and continue serving the corporal needs of the family--and all those in need--with his his hard-earned bread, while you fling insults at her from all sides. Afterwards, demand that they include you in their wedding feast. I want you to get back to me and let me know how that goes over. I predict it won't go over well, and it will give you a foretaste of what you can expect when Christ asks you why you disregarded His Bride and spoke of her the way you did, then continued to receive Him in Holy Communion.

In the end, though, if you will insult and speak the sexual lie that is contraception to your own spouse, is it any wonder you would insult and lie to the Spouse of Christ? "I give you my all....but not really! Just give me what I want."

But what if...

A question was posed to me on Facebook in reference to my status update, which was expressing my hope that the current crisis around the contraception mandate would prompt so-called "Cafeteria Catholics" to take a look at the teachings of the Church regarding contraception to learn what exactly the Church teaches about sexuality and why. There are many facets to this teaching: philosophical, theological, health, natural law, and so on. Contrary to what some may believe, this moral law has nothing to do with the Pope's desire to make as many Catholics as possible to fill up the coffers of the Church. It has nothing to do with the notion that a woman must have as many babies as her body can crank out. Nor is it the whim of a sexually oppressed high-ranking male clergyman who has no understanding of sexuality and wishes to make all of us miserable. (Sidenote: Ever notice how when a priest or religious agrees with the Church's teaching on contraception they "know nothing" and are "out of touch" with reality because of their celibate status, but when they disagree with the teachings on contraception they are "educated" "enlightened" and "understanding"...I suppose *despite* their celibate status? Double standard, anybody? I digress...)

So where I'm going with this is, that in a culture in which the widespread view is that morality is "gray," or even worse, in which black is white and white is black, we tend to rationalize all sorts of evil so that we are never culpable for our actions, our circumstances are. We are losing, very quickly, the understanding that there are some things which are wrong all of the time. One of these things is the use of artificial birth control with the intention of thwarting the natural results of the conjugal act between a man and a woman. In short, contraception.

So the question was posed to me by my friend L: "I am curious.. what is your take on bearing as many babies as God and your body will allow if you are full on welfare, multi generationally and not working and never will, and don't want to. Is it OK to burden tax payers with ten or twenty kids that the parents can't pay for themselves?.. just asking the q and wondering your thoughts in that circumstance re birth control (NFP or other) thanks.. not trying to be argumentative I just really am interested in other perspectives..I like to open my mind, you know?" Well L, the following is the answer I tried to type to you repeatedly and lost on my iPad. It will actually be much more thorough as I can explain more things in the blog format. I want to start at the beginning, and work through it sentence by sentence, as there is no easy answer to the situation which you have proposed.

"What is your take on bearing as many babies as God and your body will allow ..."
The first thing I wish to stress here is that the Catholic Church never has and never will teach that a woman has to bear as many babies as God and her body will allow. The Church leaves the decision of family size, timing and spacing of children up to the parents. We are called to be open, but it is understood that there are circumstances in which it is prudent for a time, and sometimes for an indefinite period of time, for a couple to refrain from having more children. The sin of contraception is not in the intent to avoid bearing a child. It lies in the way in which that avoidance is achieved. When a man needs to support his family, he can go to work and earn the money, or he can rob a bank. It's not his desire to support his family which is remiss, but the way in which he goes about it which can be. So to be clear, have one child, have twenty, the Church is not going to stick her nose into it beyond the extent that all married couples are required to be open to life and not break the natural law or demean the dignity of either each other or the marital embrace in the carrying out of their decision to avoid pregnancy. To go a little further, if a couple enters into a marriage with the intention of never having children, then there exists no marriage at all. This is grounds for an annulment. While a couple needs to be open to having at least one child, for that is the primary purpose of the vocation of Holy Matrimony, they need to remain prayerful and discerning about their situations, and whether God may or may not be calling them to open their hearts to the possibility of another child. Where three, six months ago there may have been a major reason to avoid conception, it could be that things have very much improved. I know that to some, not having the question settled once and for all sounds scary. I find it an energizing injection of life into a marriage. The excitement of, "We could truly co-create another child with God," adds amazing depth to the mutual self-donation that is the act of making love. There is no such thing as "casual sex". Each act can be forever life-changing. This really affects the way I look at my spouse, and the way he looks at me. Each one says to the other, "I love you, I affirm who you are, and am willing for you to be (maybe yet again) the parent of my child. I am willing to subject myself to greater sacrifice, to the laying down of my life, my comfort, etc. in the name of our deep love. This is my body, given for you." I cannot think of a soul who deserves any less in a sexual partner. We all have the deep yearning for unselfish love and affirmation from another. This is where the rubber hits the road--but hopefully not the genitals.
This is the language of the sexual act. Contraception has a language, also. It says, "I will take, but I will not give." It says, "I will not control myself for the sake of making sure that our relations are as unselfish as possible." I am well aware that there are those who, due to serious health conditions, should absolutely NOT get pregnant. Well, they don't belong relying on birth control, which doesn't tell you when you're fertile or not. They need to either abstain completely--rather than turn the sexual act into something purely for physical pleasure--or make sure to reserve it for the infertile times of the woman's cycle. "This is a hard saying; Who can bear it?" Yeah, they said that to Jesus, too, when He told them to eat His Flesh and drink His blood. Then they left, save for the apostles. "Well what if a man is a sex addict? And his wife cannot get pregnant because of a life-threatening condition?" Yup. Abstinence, or recourse to the infertile periods. And therapy for the man. Our fallen natures are not reason to lower the bar of our human dignity. There can be healing, but we must always respect both the dignity and sacredness of the human body, male and especially female, and the dignity and sacredness of the sexual act, which is our lying down ourselves for our spouses in a most unselfish act of complete self-donation. It's not so much, "I'm gonna make you feel GOOD!" as "I am utterly and completely YOURS, and you are utterly and completely MINE. This is the type of unselfish attitude which fosters love and respect between man and woman. You accept each other as-is, fertility and all. You do not change a potentially fertile act into an infertile act. Having recourse to the infertile periods means using those times that have naturally been set aside as infertile; it was never fertile at that time to begin with. There is something very endearing about being married to somebody who thinks, "You know, I certainly would not mind if there was another you around here, and I would put my money and effort where my mouth is."

Moving on...

"if you are full on welfare, multi generationally and not working and never will, and don't want to."

This is unfortunate. I do understand there are people out there who will milk the system for all it is worth. This is where we with good hearts need to step in and try to fill the gaps. Are there some who will never change? Perhaps. I think most everybody is reachable at some point, especially when they are being courted by somebody who is *truly* interested in helping *them* and not just saving a few bucks, or doing a token "good deed". I do not pretend to have the answer for this, but again, these peoples' refusal to act according to the human dignity that was theirs at their conception is no excuse for us to deny that to them. I simply do not believe that the vast majority of those on welfare are this type of person. I have very close friends who are on different kinds of public assistance. They, their spouses, their marriages, their marital beds, deserve as much respect and have as much dignity as that of those with better means. In short, no matter your financial situation, no matter whether or not you act in accordance with your dignity, we are never to treat one another as any less than we would treat Christ. Christ died for each one of us, and each one of us are worthy of having the kind of loving relationship I described above. This is what God desires for us in our relationships, and we should wish for no less for each other, and hold up no less of an ideal, no matter how some behave.

"Is it OK to burden tax payers with ten or twenty kids that the parents can't pay for themselves?."

Do I relish the thought of this? No. Is this an excuse to deny someone the dignity that is their right? No. Nobody should have contraception forced upon them, period. I realize there is a problem with this in our culture. It is one that is not going to be fixed in one presidential term, in a decade, whatever. This problem has taken generations to grow as it did, and it will take generations to get out of. We will get out of this by reaching the youth. They are starving for Truth. They are starving for love, true love. We need to treat every single one of these people, the adults and the children, with respect, and help them understand how special they are. If the children are in a dangerous situation, i.e. neglect, drugs, whatever, then of course we need to help their parents get help, if possible, and rescue the children if the parents persist in maintaining a dangerous situation for the children. But the children are the ones who need to be taught what true love means. They need to NOT have contraceptives shoved at them at 11, 12, 13, and they need to NOT be told that they're "going to do it anyways, so they may as well be 'safe'." No greater lie was ever told. They have then just learned that sex is nothing but a selfish act designed to get pleasure, and nothing more. Children end up having children to be part of the crowd, and these little ones end up being fed into the system. No, this is not working for us. Women are simply objects of pleasure, men are leaving them single with children (and children by multiple dads), and the women are left to provide and pick up the pieces left when Dad is gone. We need young women empowered with the knowledge of their bodies, not trusting in a piece of rubber, not poisoning their bodies with chemicals. We need young women taught what love really is, both by word and by example. However will they take us seriously when we do not practice this selfless giving in our own lives, both inside and outside the bedroom? They need people invested in them, as a group and as individuals, who can lead them to something greater. As I said, this is not something that can be fixed in one generation. It's a tall order indeed, but these disadvantaged youth are deserving of it.

I'm going to end this now, with the promise of one more post to come. I mentioned self-donation, selfless giving, etc etc, and there is a reason for that. I will get into this in the next post. If you got this far, go have a good drink.

Another dig at the Catholic Church

Against my better judgment, I went browsing around Facebook while waiting on placentas to steam. While browsing, I came across a link on a relative's page. Here is the link: Downs Syndrome Boy Denied Communion Says Mother. Commentary on the article was as follows...

"Seriously? Even though I am lapsed (there is no hope there, thanks for your prayers) this makes me ill. Given my life and the research I have done for my dissertation, this runs contrary to EVERYTHING I thought I knew and learned about the Catholic Church.
Suffer the little children indeed."

 "It is another blow to the Catholic faith. Ridiculous!"

"Where is the mercy and love in these situations? Too many times religions mistake their manmade rules and regulations for Christ's truth. The Pharisees come to mind."

"When I hear about stuff like this I think about how Jesus was always harder on the religious people than the sinners."

And so I had to respond.

1. It is the pastor's duty to be sure that those receiving the Blessed Sacrament for the first time understand what it is that they are doing. If you cannot understand what is happening, what you are receiving, then there runs the risk of disrespect for or minimizing the event. If somebody receives without preparation, then the responsibility for that lies on the pastor. I do realize that in the Eastern Catholic Churches, Baptism, Confirmation and the Eucharist are all received at once, in infancy. But that is in their rite. Latin Rite Catholics follow Latin Rite Rules. If my children did not attend the required formation classes at our parish, or missed too many, they, too, would be denied reception of the Eucharist until the next year. This would be despite having been intensely formed in their Faith at home. Frankly, she sounds more like someone looking to make a stir, or get attention, because she wants to brush aside her sporadic Mass attendance and blame it on having two children, one with special needs. I know families with special needs kids and very little ones getting to daily Mass, and other families who split Mass up,going to different Masses so the children can stay home.
They didn't say he couldn't receive ever. They said to put him in the next round of classes. This is perfectly reasonable.

2. We have a lovely young DS lady at our parish who receives the Blessed Sacrament. There is no Church-wide conspiracy to deny Holy Communion to those with DS. I do not know at what age she began to receive, but I do know that when she did, they made sure she understood that she was receiving the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ.

3. If the child isn't capable of understanding, right now, what he needs to know to receive his first Holy Communion, then nor is he capable of committing a mortal sin. Ergo, he doesn't NEED to receive the Sacrament of Holy Communion--He is already in the state of sanctifying grace and cannot lose it by the mere fact of his incapability of committing a mortal sin.

4. Reception of Holy Communion isn't something you do to be like everybody else, or to "belong to the club". And for goodness' sakes it isn't something you have a "right" to. Since when does anyone have a right to a gift?? Frankly, most of those who are going up to receive probably don't belong doing it because they do not go to Confession, but they are so concerned about what others might think if they stay back in their pews at Communion, that they get up and go, and profane the Blessed Sacrament. Poor formation indeed! Last I checked, having small children does not exempt you from weekly Mass, and if this lady is going to receive Holy Communion, she'd better get her booty in the box, also.

5. Having a family with a "strong Catholic tradition" doesn't earn you the right to neglect to fulfill the Lord's commandment to assemble weekly and "Do this in memory of Me." Nor does it confer upon you understanding of the Catholic Faith. I was a cradle Catholic; we went to Mass weekly. I was heavily involved in the Charismatic movement in high school, and went to Catholic schools most of my young life. I didn't know much at all about the Catholic Faith until I was 23. At 35, even though we have studied and practiced the Faith intensely for 12 years, when we meet our Maker, we will have only dipped our toes into the ocean of spiritual depth that is the Catholic Church. Some knowledge you just don't get from books. You have to live and breathe it, fall and rise. Denum, because of his condition, already has a special communion with Christ, one that none of us will ever have. He lives the Way of the Cross, and not because the Church has "discriminated" against him, but because he has been blessed with suffering, which conforms us to Christ.

 Having always understood that in regards to the Church there is a duty that we must fulfill, I have to wonder about those who think the Church owes them things and that there should be no efforts on their part.  They think they should make up the rules, not the Church that God Himself established and set as the vehicle with which we navigate the difficult path to salvation.

Hey! Give my kid Holy Communion! NOW!  There are more things I could say that I did not say in my response above. Attitudes like this nauseate me. This is Our Lord we are talking about here. Not a cracker. Our Lord is not abandoning this little one, and nor is the Catholic Church. The Church has stated its full intention to work with the family to help him achieve his First Holy Communion. This woman is acting like a petulant child who didn't follow the rules and is stomping her feet because she can't have things her way. I don't recall the Blessed Virgin Mary acting like this at the foot of the cross, and she and her Son fulfilled everything perfectly.

God bless you, and pray for all those who have no sincerity in their hearts towards the Catholic Church, especially those who have more knowledge than others.

Aggie Catholics: Does Jesus Hate Religion? Should You?

Aggie Catholics: Does Jesus Hate Religion? Should You?: I have had several people ask me to comment on the following video, which has gone viral in many Christian communities. It is entitled, "Why...

A Sobering Start to the New Year

I have been somewhat at a loss for words lately, which is why I have not been blogging. Every time I have thought of a possible topic, it has been quickly silenced by what has truly been raging about in my mind these days.

I have a fairly small, tightly knit circle of friends. One by one, I have been watching them struggle with big issues over the last three months--a year of unemployment for a five-person family, a miscarriage and three brushes with death (within a month), children with unexplained debilitating medical issues, inability to enter rehab due to finances, and one I am going to talk about in this blog.

I think I've known Vanessa and Adam for close to five years now. We met over our common interest in alternative diets, parenting styles, birth, etc. We bonded through our common faith and history of personal redemption. I was the doula at the birth of their third son, who is a mere 10 days younger than our Michael. I've watched Vanessa and Adam struggle through her frequent migraines, the rugged terrain of life with special needs children, and the ups and downs of his business. Throughout all, their faith comes out on top and you can see the grace of God well at work in their souls just through the hope they have.

Vanessa told me sometime in November that Adam had had some migraine headaches. She said he told her that he finally understood what her headaches had been like for the entirety of their marriage. When we crossed paths again, she revealed that the headaches were continuing to plague Adam, and they sounded awfully severe. She was going to research his symptoms. When she did, it pretty much looked like a case of viral meningitis. Not having health insurance for Adam--not only because of its cost, but because Adam is already a survivor of melanoma and has that as a pre-existing condition--they were very reluctant to incur the costs of a doctor. Vanessa did her research, and went gung-ho trying to help Adam get over his condition, but nothing was working.

The week before Christmas, Vanessa contacted their chiropractor, who told her to take him to a doctor to rule out Lyme meningitis, as the treatment protocol would be a bit different. Upon consultation with a doctor, before subjecting him to the tests necessary to diagnose Lyme, they figured they should do an MRI first. They were stunned at the results.

A tumor, apparently the size of a golf ball, was behind Adam's left ear. Surgery was scheduled for December 26 to remove the tumor, and we would know more then. So Adam went home from the hospital on medication to alleviate his symptoms, and he spent Christmas with his family. On December 26, my friends Kim and Laura joined me in sitting with Vanessa at the hospital as her husband underwent surgery on his brain. We knitted and crocheted, chatted, laughed, and then held her hand when she came to tell us that the tumor had actually been the size of a fist, and that the prognosis was not what they had been hoping for, but that we would know more when the biopsy results came back.

Adam bounced back unusually quickly, and went home 48 hours later, knowing it would be six days before they had any results. Meals were graciously provided for them every day for the next week, and they spent their time in prayer, family-time, and research about brain cancer treatment options.

I got the call on Tuesday, in the middle of the afternoon. Vanessa said that the tumor was not the stage 2 we had all hoped for, but was instead a stage 3, which we knew had a prognosis of 5 years. I could tell they were well-prepared for that possibility, and it was a relief to know that there is a doctor in Texas who has much success with these brain tumors, not with chemotherapy and radiation (all of the tumor had been removed from Adam's brain anyways), but with genetic treatments which activate the genes that will prevent a recurrence of the tumor, and with herbs which will stop any possible cancer cells from forming vascular connections with other cells. She mentioned a doctor in New York, also, but the one in Texas seems to be where they are being led. Where the usual allopathic treatments have not had much success in terms of this type of cancer, there has been great success with the genetic approach this doctor in Texas takes. We hope that if this doctor can turn an 18 month stage 4 prognosis into a 15 year survival with no recurrence, that he can help Adam live a full life and watch his boys become men.

First, I need you to pray for Adam and Vanessa, that they continue to move forward with the grace and peace of Christ in their hearts, embracing God's Holy Will while continuing to engage in the battle of their lives. Pray for their three young sons, aged 7, 5, and 2, whose existence is going to see some measure of upheaval. For the intention of the complete remission/eradication of this cancer, we are all praying to Blessed Pope John Paul II, who actually laid his hand in a blessing on Adam's head as a child when he was visiting London. Pope John Paul II's prayerful intercession was credited with the healing of at least two brain tumors during his lifetime! The Bible tells us that God hears the prayers of the righteous, and there are none more righteous than those who have entered Heaven, so we ask our brothers and sisters in Heaven to pray for Adam because we know their pleas to God will not go unheard.

Secondly, Vanessa's sister has started a fund for the McArthur family. She has asked that word of this fund spread far and wide, so that anybody who has a few dollars and a heart to help might be able to do so. Vanessa has always been meticulous about their diet, but now her efforts are doubled, and between efforts to buy organic as much as possible, plus investing in the necessary supplements and medications for Adam, trying to build a library with the information/resources necessary to keep Adam on the path to healing, and then facing the costs of trips to Texas and the physician's fees, well, it is a lot to bear on an already tight budget. They are going to need help, both now, and throughout this journey, but most especially now, when it is imperative to do as much as possible in this immediate post-surgery stage where his brain is free of the cancer which the surgeon has said will return. We are hoping and praying very hard to turn the question from when it will return, to IF it will return, but we need your help to do that.

I am hoping a website will be started soon with an option to donate there electronically, but as that is not available yet, I will share what I have and stress that time is of the essence. We live in a time when envelopes and stamps are a pain in the rear, especially for those whose children use stamps like stickers and raid their envelopes unknowingly for their games. I don't know anyone who fits that description...But a life depends on this now.

Here is a letter I sent out yesterday to many people from Vanessa's sister, Melissa:
-------------------------
Hope everyone had a happy and healthy new year. unfortunately, as some of you may know, it hasn’t been a great start to the new year for my sister, Vanessa
and her husband, Adam. Vanessa’s post on facebook today says it all:


“I would like to take a moment to thank
all of you who are keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.
We received the results of the biopsy yesterday, and unfortunately they were not as
good as we had hoped. Adam has (had) a Grade 3 anaplastic oligoastrocytoma.
Apparently, it's quite rare, and quite malignant. We are looking at all sorts of options
right now, and would appreciate more prayers. We feel led to a clinic in Houston where
they have had a lot of success with brain tumors using an alternative treatment.
Unfortunately, the allopathic options don't look all that promising so we are looking
outside the box. Adam is feeling better than he has in years, and is very optimistic.
Usually I'm more positive, but today has been hard. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better :)”


I have agonized over a way to help my sister, her husband and their three little ones.
At such a sensitive juncture, I think all we can do, beyond prayer, is support THEM
and any decisions they make. So, I’m starting what I shall refer to as :
“The McArthur Family Fund” so their quest for Adam’s care, whatever they decide,
need not be sullied by financial worries. So, I’m asking you to PLEASE reach out
and to also ask ANYONE you may know who could contribute ANYTHING to reach out……
send to:
The McArthur Family Fund
C/O Melissa Franzen (checks made out to: Melissa Franzen)
35862 Camotop Ct
Round Hill VA 20141
Since time is of the essence….I am hopefully surprising them with this next week.
I know this is short notice, but tragically, the window of opportunity for any
treatment is mere weeks. I thank you in front
for caring, maybe if we all pull together, through the grace of God, Adam can sees his boys
become men.
PLEASE FORWARD ASAP TO ANY ONE WHO MAY HELP!!!!!!!
God Bless you, Melissa


Please address any inquiries to Melissa at:
mfranzen77@yahoo.com
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If anyone local would like to remain in the loop of those who will be providing as much support to the McArthurs as possible through prayer groups, fund raising, meal providing, child care, etc, then please email me at femmeanonyme77@gmail.com . We will compile and keep your information so that we know who to contact if some need comes up.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your donations. Thank you for your efforts. Jesus is not going to knock on their door and say, "Adam and Vanessa, I am here for you." He is going to come to them through you and me, through the love, support, and help that pour in from all around. If it were you, you would want to know that you weren't as alone in this as you thought. If you cannot send funds, not even $5, send a card, send a spiritual bouquet (every flower in the bouquet is a prayer you have said for them--it isn't real flowers; you write down how you have prayed for them, what composes their spiritual bouquet). Every little bit counts.

May God's abundant blessings be upon us all, that by keeping at the forefront of our minds the things that truly matter, we may seek holiness in our everyday lives and thereby enter into the joy of this same God who is indwelling in our souls waiting to share His life with us.